Sunday, February 20, 2011

What Makes Men Fall In Love With You

What makes a man fall in love with one woman and not another? Is there a secret recipe to making a man fall in love with you? Yes, I think there is.

Women get left all the time by men. They often hear the words. "I am not eager for a relationship", or else "It's not you, it's me". Weeks, or months go by and you suddenly hear he is in a relationship or even engaged to another.. Wow, what just happened? Does she have something that you don't have?

I have heard the following phrase and it's the key to it all. Men fall in love with your absence. This is so very true. In order for a man to fall in love, he has to think about you, a great deal. If you are with him every free moment, well he might be enjoying your company, but he isn't really thinking about you.

When I say thinking about you, imagine longing. He longs to be with you. He replays the time you had together over and over in his mind. He can not long to be with you unless you are absent at times. Have you ever heard the words from a man, " I can not stop thinking about you". If you have, I bet he said it over the phone when you weren't in his company. This is the start of a man feeling an emotional attraction for you.

If you are dating a man and you see him every chance you get, if you are forever waiting by the phone or changing plans for him, you might want to rethink this. While this may work at the startor it seems, it is not what causes a man to fall for you. It isn't what propels him to commitment.What makes a man fall in love is the emotional attraction he feels for you. For this attraction to grow, you need to give him a little resistance. He needs time to yearn for you, think about you, recollect memories. These are the things that weigh on his emotions, because face it, men aren't emotional by nature.

We often propel into the future, imagining ourselves with this guy, men will not do this. It's a truth, they just do not. You need to activate his imagination to go to work for you and this can not be done by being up his behind every minute you can. You do this by not being with him every minute you can. If you are not with him, let him wonder what you are doing, even if you are only washing your hair. Love starts in the imagination of a man.

What this does is kick his hunter instinct in full gear. Men really do love the thrill of the hunt. They love competition, even if he is just competing with your girlfriends. They start to focus on attemtping to make you fall in love with them, what happens is, they fall in love with you. Men hardly ever fall in love with the woman who offered up no opposition. She is the one they sooner or later leave for another.

So this being said, when dating, it is crucial to not put your things at his place. Never see him every day. Once or twice a week is enough. Do not act like his girlfriend until he has shown you he is willing to invest into you. Have a life outside of his and be happy about it. This is what attracts a man and makes him fall in love.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Online Dating Rules For Women

The following post is by my dear virtual friend I will call Je Ne. She is very experienced with online dating as a woman and I think we all could learn from her. She found her prince online after dating 42 different men, so ladies, don't give up!

Enjoy!

Find The One Online



No, not 42 dates. It was 42 different men, quite a few of them were lucky to have more than one date with me :)

My principles in this internet dating game (and early dating in general)are:

1. it is fine to establish the very first contact in an internet dating context: just a quick light witty e-mail and let him take it from there. It is like smiling at a man in real life :)
2. screening process should be simple: only respond to the e-mails that are well written and interesting by men whose profiles are well-written and interesting and whose specifics meet your criteria (these criteria should not be too strict but no point in making it too lax either, they should be helping you, not hindering you).
3. only go on dates if a man sounds interesting and interested enough.
4. no pursuing of any description: no e-mailing first (with the very first contact being an exception); no texting first; no calling the man; no travelling for a man to meet him closer to him; for the first month or better even more, no paying for anything (I do offer and men who accepted did it at their own peril :), no presents, no cooking (read why men love bitches who make popcorn :) or any other mothering; no sentimental uha-uha of any kind.
5. your only role in the early dating stage is to be yourself, light and happy and have fun. That really is your only role.
6. actually you do have another role. It is your role to pace the relationship. Men have a habit of getting carried away and want to spend too much time together too quickly. It is your role as a woman to slow things down. If you have a busy life anyway, it isn't difficult.
7. if a man doesn't call you after a date, go meh! and don't waste any time or energy wondering why. File him into a NO box as it is not practical to date men who have been abducted by aliens :) On a serious note, be thankful that the man showed his true intentions so early and failed your 2nd tier screening before being referred to any more serious category.
8. my most important 'rule' is: adopt a mindset that the dating is about the man impressing you, not the other way round. The question is whether you like him, not vice versa. It may seem like a small thing but it shifts the balance very much in your favour and gives you the role of the Queen of the World :)
9. also, it helps to have an audit of some description of the whole process, for example a spreadsheet of all these men as you don't want to get them mixed up :)

Find The One Online

ENJOY THE WEIRD AND WONDERFUL WORLD OF INTERNET DATING!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

In a New Relationship - This Is How You Build Attraction

The most important and impacting thing you can do in a new relationship to build attraction is to slow it down. It's hard I know. He is calling a lot, texting daily and wanting to see you. You instinct tells you to go along with his pace. If you want it to last, you need to set the pace to a slow simmer.

Think about it seriously. How many times have you or someone you knew started out full speed ahead in a new relationship and it fizzled out after the first two to three months? More than you can count more than likely. So if you are in a new relationship and already spending almost every day together and acting like a perfect couple, you might want to reconsider and keep reading this.

A man falls in love during your absence. What this means is he forms his attachments through his imagination and thinking about you. A man thinks about you when you aren't around. When you are there, he is present and with you, but he isn't really thinking about you. He thinks about you when you leave, he misses you and this is the key to building emotional attraction. It is especially effective in a new relationship when the physical attraction is so strong.

Have you ever had a man say "I can't stop thinking about you". He isn't saying this when you are with him, he is saying this when you aren't. This is the reason it's so important to pace him. Limit your time in the beginning to once or twice a week. Give him something to look forward to, something to anticipate. Anticipation tastes so sweet. The more he thinks about you the more you build on his attraction level.

Going slow really is the key in a new relationship to building emotional attraction. If you want it to last, you need to focus on long term satisfaction, not instant gratification. Going slow not only builds the attraction, it lays the foundation for a stronger relationship. It also takes that honey moon stage to higher levels.

Think about a time when you were crazy about a man and couldn't see him for a week or so. How great was it when you finally did see him? I bet you were just thrilled and so excited. The anticipation excites men, this is big in the attraction process.

Slow is better. It allows him to think about you and attach to you on a deeper level. It makes the time you are together that much better. It helps him create powerful and lasting memories to call back up and attach even more. So if you think giving him all of your spare time in a new relationship is making him care more, think again.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Review Of Evan Marc Katz - Why He Disappeared

Evan Marc Katz has a book called Why He Disappeared. This is one of the most practical, no nonsense dating books on the market about men and how they think. Katz tells it like it is as to why men disappears. He explains how men form attachments and what attracts them and keeps them attracted.

After reading this book, you will see so much of how you may have went wrong in approaching men and relationships. He explains how sometimes it's not about attracting the wrong types of men, but often more about accepting the wrong types of men.

We attract all types of men, but often we screw up by accepting them too soon. We just roll into a comfort zone with them right off the bat. They come on full speed ahead and we fall right into it. Next thing you know it feels like a relationship, yet he just up and disappears. What happened.

The way he saw it was not the way you saw it. Your perception of what was happening between the two of you doesn't match his. Men live in the moment. They are driven by sex. Most men will admit to jumping in too soon, having sex and not thinking it through or of the consequences. Instead of being hard on them, understand how to make this work in your favor.

Why He Disappeared!

Men have their escape route planned ahead of time. If they start feeling smothered or getting cold feet, they have an out. They can always say, "I never made a commitment or I never said we were exclusive". This way they hold onto the fact that they didn't really lead you on, despite if their actions told you otherwise.

Why He Disappeared!

In Evan Marc Katz's book, he tells it like it is and sheds light on why he disappeared.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Signs He Might Be a Commitment Phobe

If you can relate to the not knowing feeling chances are you might be dating a commitment phobe. A commitment phobe is a man who fears settling down with one woman. The reasons vary but the symptoms are the same.

A commitment scared man will spend time with you. When you are together he treats you well and you feel a strong connection and chemistry. After the connection together though, you may find him pulling away. He may go a few days and you feel the chill. This is his way of keeping you at arms length and is a sign you are dating a commitment phobe.

In the bedroom a commitment phobic man can be quiet steamy. The passion is hot. The sex is great. It blows you mind that he vanishes or distances afterwards. Often commitment scared men will not even spend the night. If your guy always has an excuse to leave after sex, or he rarely spends all night or weekend, this is a huge sign he has issues with commitment.

Now every man needs his space. He needs time to hang out with the guys and do that bonding thing. Nothing wrong with this. If however, he is firm about it and you get the feeling that he doesn't want you anywhere around during this time, he is experiencing the fear of his loss of freedom.

Commitment phobes like to be in control. The often have you on a schedule if you are in an exclusive relationship. He goes out with the guys on Friday, he takes you out on Saturday. Sundays are his and you are not involved. If the scheduling thing sounds familiar, you are dating a commitment phobic man. Control is his way of again keeping you at arms length.

The commitment phobe is often confused with a man that is not that into you. Be careful that you aren't just using commitment phobia as an excuse when he really is just stringing you along.

Commitment phobic men can be turned around. It takes a patient woman and a woman with some pretty thick skin. Clingy, insecure women need not apply, you will never survive with your dignity in tact. I have seen many a confirmed bachelor marry. I have seen many a man leave a woman who he has been with for years go off a marry another woman after six months of dating her.

The thing that gets the commitment phobic to commit is a deep emotional attraction and attachment. He has to feel with you something that he hasn't felt with any other. This is not done by catering to him, or showing him how great you are. It comes from an independent woman that puts her heart first.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

How to Play Hard to Get - The #1 Key

Think about it, men accuse us of playing hard to get all the time. They think we are playing some sort of game. Really now? It's no game. I am not so sure about all women, but there are some who see their heart as something special and really aren't so keen to just give it away to the first guy that pays her a little attention.

How many times has a man come on full speed ahead, we match his pace, fall rapidly into the relationship and he up and disappears? He says it's not you, it's me. You know the song and dance I am sure. We have all danced that dance. Girl you just gave your heart away too fast. He didn't value it, nor did you. You did not play hard to get, more like easy to get.

Let's take football, even though I am not all that knowledgeable on the subject, I think you will get my point. This team plays hard, they want to win of course. They are headed for a championship. They play a mediocre team and win, yes they are happy. They celebrate. It's all good.

Next in line on their way to the championship is that undefeated team. Prior to the game they are more nervous, the pressure is on. Fast forward it's a long hard game. Many edge of your seat moments. In the final minutes they score the winning touch down. Wow! They are beyond happy, they are ecstatic. Lots of celebrating and they may talk about this day for a long long time.

Which win brought the team more satisfaction? The easy win or the hard one? The one with the higher degree of difficulty of course. Men value what they work hardest for. Do you really thing they view women much differently? They don't. They want the woman who not just any man can have.

It takes a great team to win that championship. It takes a great man to win your heart. If you just hand it over to him with no resistance, he isn't getting anything special. Ever seen the face of a man in love when he is explaining the perils he had to go through to get that woman? You see pride in his face.

Being hard to get is really about being selective as to who and how you give your heart away. It's nothing about game playing. You heart is precious. Not just any man gets it. The man that gets it will be special and he is going to feel it. If you can make a man feel special, well you got him sista.

Learn how to be Hard to Get and easy to be with and how and why it works.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Building Emotional Attraction In a Man

First the question is, "Exactly what is emotional attraction?". It's that something that causes a man to think about you. It's that something that causes him to want to see you, talk to you. Emotional attraction is critical if a man is going to attach long term. Physical attraction can fade. It's not what keeps a man.

So what causes a man to think about you? I can assure you it's not what you do, nor is it what you say. I would be so bold as to say it's more what you don't do and what you don't say. In the beginning of a relationship, so many women start out giving so much of themselves. They try to make the man like them by giving. They think this is what women like, so men must like it too. This is not the case.

The woman who gives too much almost always loses the man. He doesn't attach because she has given all out there on a silver platter, offering up no resistance. Resistance is the key. Think about it. Your heart is precious. Why on earth would you give it away so easily.

How many times have you met a great guy. It started out moving really fast. Next thing you know you are spending almost all of your free time with him. It all seems great, that is until he starts putting that distance between you a few months down the road. The disappearing man syndrome. He disappeared because you did not build emotional attraction with him. You can't build this deep attraction if you are spending every spare moment together.

Attraction is often built in your absence. It's when he misses you that he thinks of you most. To build this attraction, he has to think about you. If you are always present, he really can't miss you and he won't spend lots of time thinking of you.

Also back to the heart. If you give it away to him so soon, it really won't be that valuable to him. I don't know about you, but my heart is pretty special to me and I am not giving it away to the first guy that swoons me. I got to know if he has substance and staying power. I have to know his character. Face it girls, you can't know this in just a few short months.

Holding back on giving away your heart and letting him work for it builds attraction. Ever had a guy tell you he was going to win your heart. That is pretty exciting for a guy. It's a challenge and if he had to win it and he should, he holds it dear.

You give him glimpses into what it would be like to have your heart. Don't give him the whole thing right up front. If you are sharing all these feelings with a guy from the beginning, you are cheating yourself. There is nothing left to learn. That is a huge key, he has to want to know more about you. The more he wants to know, the closer he will get.

In summary, I will say this. A slow simmer beats a rapid boil any day. Anticipation builds attraction in a man, no doubt. Take your focus off of instant gratification and start focusing on long term satisfaction.

Stop the men from disappearing from your life. Learn how to build deep emotional attraction with men.