Getting Back in the Dating Pool

A female friend of mine has been online dating not for a few months. She is discouraged. She has met a few guys in person, she has emailed with many. She has had a lot of them just flake, stop emailing. Then there are two she likes, potential. One sort of eventually fades and she now has interest in the one. Now is when the stress sets in.

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We get stressed dating again because we don't know where it's headed, or what he thinks at this point. We are trying to rush it, when actually we probably would be better off to stay on the dating site at least talking to other men, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

She was losing interest in the internet dating concept or losing faith. She stopped logging onto the site as often, with some hope that maybe in the back of her mind this guy might work out. This is not how to date successfully online. It's all about keeping options open.

How many time do you think a woman meets a man of interest and she stops logging onto the dating site as often. This is a mistake, stay on the dating site until both of you are sure where you stand with one another, otherwise it's options open.

My friend told me she was going on a mancation. A mancation in our world means staying away from men. Below is my reply.

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You can't give up and the mancation does suck, I mini-mancation might be alright, you know 2 or three days.

I have had a good weekend so far. Went out for while last night, laughed a lot, maybe drank more than I should and flirted just to be flirting. I came home talked on the phone a while with a new "friend" and phone sex crossed my mind.

Today, moral here of this story is about swimming.

There is a pool in the backyard of my temporary home, one of the pluses. Today I got my swim suit on, sunscreen and got all set up. It's warm enough here right now. not hot but hot enough. The pool though is really really cold. (the pool is the dating world, back out there again.)

I wanted to swim some laps. I stepped on the first step and goose bumps went up my back and arms. I thought about it long and hard as I eased in, several times I almost turned around and got out. I got waist deep and just went for it, almost had a heart attack. Holy crap! I swam to the other end fast and hard, knowing I was going to only make one lap, I was so cold. I reached the other end turned around and went back talking myself out of getting out. One more lap, I can do one more.

Second lap, hmmm, I wasn't so cold anymore so I slowed it down. It was dead quiet out there and the cold water started to feel comfortable. I did 5 more laps slow and easy. Got back out sat in the sun, dried off and decided if I could do 5, I could do 5 more.

So I head to the pool, but this time I know what it's going to feel like so I just jump right in and start swimming. It might be cold but I already know I will get used to it.

That's how I see dating again. It's a mindset. There is no hurry, slow and easy and it's not near as stressful. It's when your focus shifts onto a man that you are not sure is focused on you that makes you want to get out, you feel the cold water in other words. Get back in and swim.

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Dating Again - Be The Leading Lady

You know the movie "Holiday" with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslette? Well when Kate gets to LA and she meets Author, they go out for dinner and he ask hers why is she here all by herself, she explains to him and starts crying sharing the heartache she has endured. Well Author tells her that she needs to stop acting like the best friend and become the "Leading Lady" in her own life.

What does this mean and how does being a Leading Lady help in dating again? It's a lot to do with attitude and how you view yourself. You are the prize, you are the leading lady. If you see yourself this way, you won't have near the drama that dating again can bring.

If a leading lady does not know where she stands she rarely has to have the talk. When her needs aren't getting met, she gracefully exits the stage. She doesn't have to come out again in hopes of an encore. She is in control. If you are dating again, being in control is critical to protect yourself.

If she has a small part in his life, she gives him a small part in hers. Nothing more. She doesn't waste much time or put consideration into small time roles. She doesn't invest more into a man than he is investing in her.

A leading lady doesn't wait around hoping she will get the part, wondering if she will be picked. She knows her worth and if she isn't recognized for it, she moves onto another film. She knows her worth and if a man doesn't treat her accordingly, her thought is "Next".

A leading lady doesn't view the parts she doesn't get as failures. She sees them as practice, auditions. A way to perfect her game. She learns from this and moves on and doesn't waste time on the parts that just didn't fit her.

Dating again can be confusing and frustrating. Many times we just want to give up. Don't, just be your own leading lady and dating again turns into an adventure.