Showing posts with label stop fighting with my boyfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stop fighting with my boyfriend. Show all posts

Monday, June 20, 2011

How to Stop Fighting With Your Boyfriend

Do you often end up in fights with your boyfriend.  Starts out as something simple and next thing you know he has shut down and you are talking to a wall or either you are yelling at one another.  What I am going to suggest as to how to stop fighting with your boyfriend may seem simple, but hear me out.

Understand him.  I work with couples who fight.  It's almost always about both parties not getting their needs met, but more times than not, it's the woman expecting her man to behave in the emotional manner in which she does.  This just isn't going to happen as a normal thing.  Men just aren't wired like we are.  They really want to make us happy and the more we fight with them, the more they feel like they aren't making us happy.  The more they don't feel like they are making us happy, the worse it becomes, they stop trying.  It's a vicious cycle.  You can stop fighting with your boyfriend though.  It's up to you.

Do you ever hear yourself saying any of the following to your boyfriend?
  • You never______________fill in the blank
  • You always act like this when_______________fill in the bland
  • You never listen to me
  • You don't do_____________fill in the blank.
In other words, you aren't getting your point across with words.  All they are hearing when you say or accuse of these things is that they aren't making you happy which will destroy a man's attraction towards you long term.  Men can tune out words, they have been doing since their mothers.  If their mothers would just give a tongue lashing and nothing more, they learned that was a small price to pay.  It's consequences that men pay attention to and actions.

I am not saying punish your man, but there are other ways to get what you want out of a man other than harping on him making  him feel bad about something.  Men aren't mind readers, really they aren't.

I have a couple that I work with.  By all appearances, he treats her terrible, or he did.  She wasn't getting her needs met and instead of going about it in a healthy way, she badgered him, thus making him feel not so worthy. It just got worse and worse. She was focused on her needs and had never considered his.  When she started understanding him better and what his needs were, she was able to turn the relationship around.  The all the time fighting couple, now rarely fights.

If you want to know how to stop fighting with your boyfriend, you first have to change how you react and respond to him as a man first.  He is a man first and always will be.  Men Made Easy.