I received and email from a woman not too long ago about her relationship. It really was great except for one thing. They had been dating for 3 years with no plans for the future. She was ready to throw in the towel. She had resigned herself to the fact that he was a commitment phobic man and would never marry. She was getting the feeling she was wasting her time.
The fact is, almost all men do want a loving relationship. Even the commitment phobic. After talking with this woman it was obvious the man cared and loved her, but he wasn't ready nor saw any reason to commit. It's not broken, why fix it attitude. Many commitment phobic men have this attitude.
She had tried everything. She gave more love, more affection, more attention. He didn't seem to notice or appreciate her efforts. She was becoming resentful. I pointed out to her that if it wasn't working, why keep doing the same thing. We all know that insanity definition.
She didn't dump him, but she put some serious distance between them. She started building her life and even opened her eyes to other men, even though she wasn't dating. Gradually she went from him being the center of her universe, to placing herself as the center. At first since it was gradual, he didn't really notice.
One Saturday night which was always their date night she turned him down for a sleep over with some old girlfriends she had lost touch with. She didn't call him at all that night, she was having fun. Next morning she got a call from him which was unusual. Seems she had his attention. She mostly started pulling away from him slowly.
She didn't stop there. She kept building her life. She even declined a date so she could color her hair one night instead. Imagine being rejected for Lady Clairol. Something happened in this man's mind. He started thinking maybe he wasn't all that important to him. He felt her slipping away. All of a sudden she was a challenge. She was interesting again and his spark rekindled. Suddenly this commitment phobic man was now her adoring man.
Three months later this commitment phobic man proposed. Commitment phobic men can be turned around.
Showing posts with label commitment phobic men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label commitment phobic men. Show all posts
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The commitment Phobic Men and Their Excuses
Oh we have all experience them, the commitment phobic men. They remain just out of reach. They date you, spend time with you, act as if they are in love, but they never seem to be able to commit completely to us.
They have all of these excuses. Have you heard any of the following.
1. I am not ready to be in a relationship
2. I have been hurt
3. My ex cheated on me
4. It's not you, it's me
5. My job is too demanding right now
5. My finances are not stable
6. My life is chaos
7. My kids take a lot of my time
8. When my kids are older I will be ready
9. I need more time and I will be ready
10. I love you, but the timing will be better in a year or so
These are all just excuses. A man either feels it for you or he doesn't. I and millions of other women have learned this the hard way. We have remained with those commitment phobic men for months, years, only to have him vanish and ride off into the sunset with another woman on that white horse.
Men make these excuses to keep stringing us along. They usually don't want to be alone, so we are the fill the gap girl. Men really do want to commit. They want it just as much as we do. A lot of things have to take place in the heart and mind of a man who decides to commit to you. He has to feel it to the core of his being that he does not want to be without you. If you are hearing any of the above excuses, he is not feeling this with you. Hard pill to swallow.
I will use my own story here for this. I met a man. He said all the right things. We dated every weekend, he called every day. He was respectful, but somehow I always felt a arms length away. He even told me he loved me. I stayed for over a year.
He started getting distant. The excuses started, his main one was work. It was demanding, if I could just be patient because it was temporary and would pass, things would get better. I accepted this excuse and even voiced it to others making it my excuse. I would be asked by a friend, "Are you seeing him this weekend?". I would reply, "He has to work, it's really rough on him right now." How pathetic I had become. Now I was making excuses for him. Commitment phobic men are full of excuses as to why the time is not right.
Fast forward two months. Here it comes. His contact starts to lessen. His calls become less frequent. I ask what is going on. He replies "I don't think I am ready for a relationship". He dumped me.
Fast forward 6 months. He is engaged to another. Everyone is talking about how happy he is. She is doing all the things that I didn't get to do with him. A trip to the tropics, decorating his new house, sleeping in his bed, blah blah blah.
Was he seeing her prior to our breakup? No he wasn't. He met her on a dating site which he joined days after our breakup.
I could post hundreds of stories just like mine here. Those excuses are excuses, don't let them become yours. He may or may not be one of the commitment phobic men, but it just goes to show that the commitment phobic men can commit. Apparently he just wasn't that into me. Commitment phobic men can be tamed. At the time I just didn't have the knowledge.
If you are hearing these excuses, please run and run fast, don't try to fix him, it won't work. Instead do what I did. Fill yourself with knowledge about what inspires men to commit. I started here. click here. Don't invest years only to watch one of those commitment phobic men leave you for another and in the process leave your heart in a million pieces to pick back up. Turns out my commitment phobic man really wasn't a commitment phobic after all
I have recently met a great guy who has no excuses. He puts in effort and it makes me now see how lame of a relationship I really had. It was one sided and I didn't even see it. Thank God for knowledge. Now I know.
They have all of these excuses. Have you heard any of the following.
1. I am not ready to be in a relationship
2. I have been hurt
3. My ex cheated on me
4. It's not you, it's me
5. My job is too demanding right now
5. My finances are not stable
6. My life is chaos
7. My kids take a lot of my time
8. When my kids are older I will be ready
9. I need more time and I will be ready
10. I love you, but the timing will be better in a year or so
These are all just excuses. A man either feels it for you or he doesn't. I and millions of other women have learned this the hard way. We have remained with those commitment phobic men for months, years, only to have him vanish and ride off into the sunset with another woman on that white horse.
Men make these excuses to keep stringing us along. They usually don't want to be alone, so we are the fill the gap girl. Men really do want to commit. They want it just as much as we do. A lot of things have to take place in the heart and mind of a man who decides to commit to you. He has to feel it to the core of his being that he does not want to be without you. If you are hearing any of the above excuses, he is not feeling this with you. Hard pill to swallow.
I will use my own story here for this. I met a man. He said all the right things. We dated every weekend, he called every day. He was respectful, but somehow I always felt a arms length away. He even told me he loved me. I stayed for over a year.
He started getting distant. The excuses started, his main one was work. It was demanding, if I could just be patient because it was temporary and would pass, things would get better. I accepted this excuse and even voiced it to others making it my excuse. I would be asked by a friend, "Are you seeing him this weekend?". I would reply, "He has to work, it's really rough on him right now." How pathetic I had become. Now I was making excuses for him. Commitment phobic men are full of excuses as to why the time is not right.
Fast forward two months. Here it comes. His contact starts to lessen. His calls become less frequent. I ask what is going on. He replies "I don't think I am ready for a relationship". He dumped me.
Fast forward 6 months. He is engaged to another. Everyone is talking about how happy he is. She is doing all the things that I didn't get to do with him. A trip to the tropics, decorating his new house, sleeping in his bed, blah blah blah.
Was he seeing her prior to our breakup? No he wasn't. He met her on a dating site which he joined days after our breakup.
I could post hundreds of stories just like mine here. Those excuses are excuses, don't let them become yours. He may or may not be one of the commitment phobic men, but it just goes to show that the commitment phobic men can commit. Apparently he just wasn't that into me. Commitment phobic men can be tamed. At the time I just didn't have the knowledge.
If you are hearing these excuses, please run and run fast, don't try to fix him, it won't work. Instead do what I did. Fill yourself with knowledge about what inspires men to commit. I started here. click here. Don't invest years only to watch one of those commitment phobic men leave you for another and in the process leave your heart in a million pieces to pick back up. Turns out my commitment phobic man really wasn't a commitment phobic after all
I have recently met a great guy who has no excuses. He puts in effort and it makes me now see how lame of a relationship I really had. It was one sided and I didn't even see it. Thank God for knowledge. Now I know.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Commitment Fear in Men
Hopefully you are among one of the lucky women who has never been dumped, but sometime in your life, it will happen. Chances are you have already experienced this more than once. You have probably watched your friends go through the same horror. What is this commitment fear in men?
One of the biggest mistakes that we make as women is putting the responsibility of our happiness on the man. When a man feels he has to take on your happiness he panics. It puts pressure on him to deliver and he is probably clueless how to make you happy. He may not even know what makes him happy, but one thing for sure that thrills a man is to know he can effortlessly fulfill your hearts desires.
Often we are not even aware we are projecting the responsibility of our happiness onto our man. It may be in our words or in our actions and we may not even think twice about it. The biggest thing you can do to propel a man towards you is to take your happiness into your own hands. Be who you are and be happy doing it. One of the best gifts you could give a man is to take the pressure off him by taking the responsibility for your own happiness. This takes the pressure away and he will give more freely.
These men that won't commit are often being true to their male nature -- and this often comes into conflict with women who are just being true to their female nature. Its a pattern with men. Oftentimes, neither the man or the woman is singularly at fault. It's just the eternal battle of the sexes at work. If you can understand how men process if you are the one, you can overcome his fear of commitment.
Have you been in and out of relationships, or in a relationship that seems to be stuck? There are ways to inspire a man to commit. You can become the woman who awakens that longing in him and have him as yours for life. Even the most commitment phobic men can be led to commitment.
One of the biggest mistakes that we make as women is putting the responsibility of our happiness on the man. When a man feels he has to take on your happiness he panics. It puts pressure on him to deliver and he is probably clueless how to make you happy. He may not even know what makes him happy, but one thing for sure that thrills a man is to know he can effortlessly fulfill your hearts desires.
Often we are not even aware we are projecting the responsibility of our happiness onto our man. It may be in our words or in our actions and we may not even think twice about it. The biggest thing you can do to propel a man towards you is to take your happiness into your own hands. Be who you are and be happy doing it. One of the best gifts you could give a man is to take the pressure off him by taking the responsibility for your own happiness. This takes the pressure away and he will give more freely.
These men that won't commit are often being true to their male nature -- and this often comes into conflict with women who are just being true to their female nature. Its a pattern with men. Oftentimes, neither the man or the woman is singularly at fault. It's just the eternal battle of the sexes at work. If you can understand how men process if you are the one, you can overcome his fear of commitment.
Have you been in and out of relationships, or in a relationship that seems to be stuck? There are ways to inspire a man to commit. You can become the woman who awakens that longing in him and have him as yours for life. Even the most commitment phobic men can be led to commitment.
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