What to Do When He Pulls Away

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We have all been there wondering why do men pull away from us when we feel it is going so right.  It may be a few great dates or it may be a longer term relationship.  Regardless when you feel him pulling away, something is usually going on.  It could be nothing it could be something.  What do do when he pulls away? 

Maybe he stopped calling as often, maybe he quit texting.  Perhaps you were going out regularly and now he has stopped pursuing.  Regardless, you feel the distance, you feel it when men pull away.  It's your gut talking and usually when it's your gut talking, you probably need to listen fast.

Your instinct is to ask him what is wrong.  What is he thinking.  Men hate this, they really do. Nothing will put a man on the defense quicker than this.  Chances are you aren't going to get a straight answer because at the moment he doesn't really want to tell you.  He may even get short or irritated with you when you ask or say the usual, nothing is wrong.

One thing I can promise you is the more you push, the further he will run.  What to do when a man pulls away, though not easy, is to mirror him.  Lean back.  Give him space, lots of it and get busy with your life.  The main reason men pull away in the first place is they often feel you are way ahead of them in the relationship.  They don't know how to verbalize this, so they pull back.

The art of leaning back may be the one thing that can save your relationship when he pulls away.  It's a skill that when learned correctly will save you years of heartaches.  You can learn this art of leaning back and cultivating feminine magnetism here.

 

Pheromones and Sexual Attraction

I made this video for the ladies on my forum.  I have a community full of fabulous women here that you are welcome to join.  They offer tons of support, insight and wisdom about dating and relationships.  Please check up out and join us.  It's free!

You can find Pheromones here at Pure Romance

Learning to Trust Again

Learning to trust again.  First thing that comes to mind is trusting after you have been cheated on, betrayed or let down.  It's so much more to trusting a man again than this.  How to trust again comes in baby steps.  Trusting that he will call when he says he will, trusting he won't disappear, trusting that he has your best interest at heart are just a few.  It's not all about trusting him not to cheat.

Men want to be trusted.  If one man let you down or more than one man, it doesn't mean they all will.  Often we blame the man when this trust is broken, but many times we as women have played some sort of role in his behavior.  I will not deny that there are some men out there who just can't keep it in their pants, but for the most part, they want what we want.  Love, affection, acceptance and yes trust.  We don't as women hold the corner on the market of learning to trust again.

These baby steps I am talking about.  Here is an example.  A man says he will call in the next few days.  Until he gives you reason to not believe him, you must trust him to keep his word.  This means that after day one or two, you don't go sending any texts or initiating contact.  He will see that for what it is.  You inability to trust, you lack of faith in him so to speak. Insecurity. That is exactly what it is. This initiating is far from trust.  It's a sure sign to a man that you may be emotionally dependent on him in the future.

Coolest thing happens when you exercise that patience and give him the opportunity to prove himself to you without any cajoling on your part.  He is actually more compelled to step up and do what he said he was going to do.  When he does do what he says he will do, you don't react by saying something like "I thought you weren't going to call". or "Why didn't you call earllier?".  You reply more along the lines "Hello, it's so nice to hear your voice
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This is reinforcement.  Another point here is this.  When you lean back and trust him, he notices.  You stand out in his mind.  It motivates him to give you more reasons to trust.  Also how much better does it feel to you when he actually does keep his word, make that call and you didn't have to do a thing.  The more you do this the more comfortable you will become because you are getting postive reinforcement for your trusting.
Patience plays a huge role in trust.  They go hand in hand.  If a man tells me he is going to do something, I forget it and trust that he will.  It may not be in my time frame, but usually more times than not, he does what he says he will do.  If not, well that is a man you don't have to accept into your world, period.  A case of he is not that into you possibly. Learning to trust again doesn't mean accepting into your lives men or people in general that can't be trusted.  There are some of those out there, though I think they are few and far between.
Men don't think like we do.

Another example here.  A man made a date with you for Friday.  It's Thursday and he hasn't confirmed.  You start freaking, wondering if the date is still on or is he going to disappear.  This is a tough one, but still you have to trust.  The best way to practice this is to just get ready for the date and trust it is going to happen.  Worst case, he flakes on you, you go out anyway and flirt like crazy and write that one off.  Best case he shows up and your date goes according to plan.  Now I can't just leave this situation here like this.  I have to add one more thing.  For a man not to confirm and leave you wondering at the last miinute, well you do need to address this gracefully on your date and let him know you really do want confirmation.  That's called placing down a barrier.

I challenge you to start taking baby steps to trust men  The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes.  Men sense this in you and you will find men rarely let you down anymore.  It all comes from within you.  Men can sense that insecurity which translates to lack of trust in a woman.  This causes them to disappear which as a result never breaks your cycle.  You keep getting confirmation that you can't trust again. The viciuos cycle in your life will never end.

Baby steps ladies, lean back and learn how to trust again.  It inspires them to be better men.

Getting through a Break Up

If you have been dumped, the above video my help.  You can reach the support group here. 365daysoflove.  Two excellent resources one which was mentioned about are Get Your Ex Back and Why He Disappeared.

Heartbreak just sucks.  If you are going through it, my heart goes out to yours.

New to Online Dating

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Getting Back in the Dating Pool

A female friend of mine has been online dating not for a few months. She is discouraged. She has met a few guys in person, she has emailed with many. She has had a lot of them just flake, stop emailing. Then there are two she likes, potential. One sort of eventually fades and she now has interest in the one. Now is when the stress sets in.

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We get stressed dating again because we don't know where it's headed, or what he thinks at this point. We are trying to rush it, when actually we probably would be better off to stay on the dating site at least talking to other men, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

She was losing interest in the internet dating concept or losing faith. She stopped logging onto the site as often, with some hope that maybe in the back of her mind this guy might work out. This is not how to date successfully online. It's all about keeping options open.

How many time do you think a woman meets a man of interest and she stops logging onto the dating site as often. This is a mistake, stay on the dating site until both of you are sure where you stand with one another, otherwise it's options open.

My friend told me she was going on a mancation. A mancation in our world means staying away from men. Below is my reply.

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You can't give up and the mancation does suck, I mini-mancation might be alright, you know 2 or three days.

I have had a good weekend so far. Went out for while last night, laughed a lot, maybe drank more than I should and flirted just to be flirting. I came home talked on the phone a while with a new "friend" and phone sex crossed my mind.

Today, moral here of this story is about swimming.

There is a pool in the backyard of my temporary home, one of the pluses. Today I got my swim suit on, sunscreen and got all set up. It's warm enough here right now. not hot but hot enough. The pool though is really really cold. (the pool is the dating world, back out there again.)

I wanted to swim some laps. I stepped on the first step and goose bumps went up my back and arms. I thought about it long and hard as I eased in, several times I almost turned around and got out. I got waist deep and just went for it, almost had a heart attack. Holy crap! I swam to the other end fast and hard, knowing I was going to only make one lap, I was so cold. I reached the other end turned around and went back talking myself out of getting out. One more lap, I can do one more.

Second lap, hmmm, I wasn't so cold anymore so I slowed it down. It was dead quiet out there and the cold water started to feel comfortable. I did 5 more laps slow and easy. Got back out sat in the sun, dried off and decided if I could do 5, I could do 5 more.

So I head to the pool, but this time I know what it's going to feel like so I just jump right in and start swimming. It might be cold but I already know I will get used to it.

That's how I see dating again. It's a mindset. There is no hurry, slow and easy and it's not near as stressful. It's when your focus shifts onto a man that you are not sure is focused on you that makes you want to get out, you feel the cold water in other words. Get back in and swim.

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What to Talk About on a First Date With a Guy

Oh that first date. You finally decided what to wear and now you are stressing over what to talk about. It can be awkward and you want to avoid those moments of silence. I have heard many say to have a list of questions. Don't do this. Don't bombard him with questions. It will seem canned and he will feel like he is on a job interview for the role as husband.

Don't talk about your ex, or past relationships or any hardships you may be going through. This is stuff you talk about once you are in an established relationship. On the other hand if he talks about these things, make a note of the warning flag waiving. If you discuss such serious issues too soon, he will see you as drama ahead. You want to make your first date fun, not serious. First date conversation should just flow.

If it gets awkward and there are moments of silence, make a joke out of it. Just say, wow can we get more awkward. It's the truth and it's honest. It lets him know you are feeling just as awkward as he is, and trust me, he is feeling just as awkward as you.

Whatever you do in a first date conversation don't ask him about his feelings. Men hate talking about their feeeeeellllings, especially on a first date. If you want to know more use phrases like "What do you think about.....", or "tell me more".

Ask him about his career and really listen. Don't interject with your own story when he tells you something. Nothing worse than someone who always has a story to top the one you just told.

Get him talking about his hobbies, maybe his friends. Friends do make great conversations. Most of us have some pretty interesting friends.

Don't be scared to compliment him. If he smells good tell him but don't make a big deal of it. One compliment should be enough on a first date, more than that and you seem desperate.

Always thank him at the end of the date. Do not ask when you will see him again, let him pursue you. Don't text him later and tell him you had a good time, wait and see if he does that. If he had a good time he will. Your only job is to thank him at the end of the date, you don't need to do it again later.

First date conversations should be natural. Not a series of questions and answer. Just be yourself, be charming, a little flirty and smile a lot. Don't over think it.

Prior to a first date, listen to some upbeat music to ease your tension and stress that first dates can cause. I am a seasoned first dater, but I still get apprehensive about first dates. I have recorded a cd to get me in the right frame of mind. No love songs, all upbeat dance type songs.

When wondering what to talk about on a first date, it's really better to not even think about it if you can manage it. Just let it flow.

Feminine Grace is something that hooks a man on a fist date. If you can master this, you can almost always get a second, third, and more. You can learn more about feminine grace here.

The Best Way to Get a Relationship with a Man

The best way to get a relationship with a man is simple. Tell him you don't want one or that you are in no hurry. Don't mention relationship at all is you best bet.

Telling him you aren't looking for a relationship works in a couple ways the first one being obvious. It challenges him for starters. When a man hears a woman say she doesn't want a relationship or is in no hurry, he becomes intrigued. He wants to know why. If you play your cards right, you convey to him that you just aren't willing to settle or jump on the first guy that comes along.

This triggers his hunter instinct and we all know most men want what they can't have. He often makes it his mission to see if he can change your mind. He starts to prove his worth to you to win you over. Often he falls in love in the process.

It also disarms him. Men are so used to women pushing for commitment that they will be taken back by the woman that doesn't. It makes you stand out. If you want a relationship, don't let on to this so soon, inspire him to work for it. He will value what he works for.

The last thing that telling a man you don't want a relationship does and why it works is because it makes him feel safe. He doesn't have to live in dread of the day you will have the talk. He is free to have fun, he is free period with no threats. This causes him to let his guard down. This is when they fall the hardest, when they feel safe and because he feels safe he moves on into the water. Next thing he knows he is in a relationship and she never had to say a word.

This is how you get a relationship.

Mixed Signals From Men

Do you find you often get mixed signals from men? They speak one thing and do another? Perhaps he says all the right thing, yet you rarely see him, or the opposite, you see him often, but he never tells you how he feels about you. Maybe he is one of those guys that calls or texts, seems interested, but never really puts in effort to see you. Mixed signals  from men come in all sorts of forms, but what does it mean.

More than likely if you are getting these mixed signals from men, you analyze it to death, it's what we do as women. We justify it more than not and make excuses. If you find yourself saying any of the following, please read to the conclusion here.

He works a lot or has a stressful job
He has some family things going on
He has been hurt in the past
His ex cheated on him
He thinks I am too good for him
He may not know I am interested
He fell asleep

The list goes on and on. If a man is giving you mixed signals, you haven't hooked him yet, and this is the bottom line. He may be interested, but he isn't interested enough to give you all the right signals.

I have been with the mixed signal man. He would say all the right things when we talked or were together, only to vanish for days at a time. When he was around, everything was great, but when he wasn't, I had no clue how he felt or where I stood.

Do you wonder what he is thinking? You feel like he cares because of the way he treats you so well at times, but other times you have doubts. A man sending you mixed signals has not moved you to priority in his life or either he is having doubts about you of his own.

We often unknowingly push men away. We make mistakes that we don't even know we make. We send signals to them that tell them we may not be girlfriend relationship material. It could be you call too much, you ask too many questions, he fears loss of his freedom.

For a man to make you a priority, he has to feel safe with you and you need to be aware of the little things women do, mistakes we make that do not make him feel safe. If a man is sending you mixed signals, is it you or is it him?

How To Play a Player

Players or masterful pick up artists are popping up every where. It used to be that some men were just natural born players and had women falling at their feet. Now these techniques are being taught and actually practiced out in the field by these gurus all over the world. They take the guys into weekend bootcamps and teach them all about a woman's hot buttons and how to push them to score. The produce printed online material in the form of ebooks. Thing is these techniques work on unsuspecting women.

The number one website for guys to learn to be a pick up artist was created by Nick Savoy.  Nick is globally recognized in the pick up artist arena.  I did a one one one very candid  interview with Nick and you can listen to it on my website here at lovegirltalk.  He really takes you into the mind of a player. 

So can you play a player and turn the tables? Absolutely. It's not for the faint of heart though or the insecure woman who falls too hard to fast. To play a player, you need to leave your emotions out of it in order to trigger his.

Players are not just smooth talkers. They use human nature to their advantage. The we all want what we can't have is one of the best used tactic or the take away. They pay you attention, then ignore, back and forth. If you just met him out, he is back and forth with you. He may get up and approach another woman. This increases his value. If other women want him, it does tend to spark your attraction.

If you have been dating him, he more than likely contacts you strongly for a day or so, then stops. Back and forth he goes. There are times he probably won't answer your text, only to text you a few days later and attempt to meet up.

He is training you like pavlov's dog is what he is doing. When he is with you he makes you feel so good. Then when he is gone, you crave his attention. He goes into vanishing mode and while you can't find him, you are wanting to see him. He reappears, you are swept away with relief and the cycle starts again. The relief being the trigger for pavlov's dog. He just set you up.

So how do you turn the tables with this man? Think of a cat. Know how you dangle that string in front of a cat and he bats at it, tries to get it in his teeth? Then you pull the string away, and he lies there swagging his tail waiting to do it again.

Think though about the attention span of this cat. A spider walks by and he forgets all about the string...for a moment. Once he ate the spider, he comes back.

If you are going to play a player, you have to stand out from the other girls that fall into his games.  Most girls just get swept away by this silver tongued devils.  You attitude has to be one of I can take you or leave you.  You do not say this or speak your attitude, but you show it with your actions.  It could easily be in what you don't say as to what you do.  You be the one who doesn't whine and ask silly questions like "When will I see you again".  Not asking this question alone is powerful.  All the other girls ask him this and now he wonders why don't you.

Players can also get sex about anywhere.  So sex to them is not the way to their heart, but I am sure it won't hurt to have a few tricks up your sleeve or know some arts of pleasure that other women simply just don't know.  You can find more about male pleasure here.

Playing a player takes patience. The best way for me to explain it further is by example, my own.

I have frequented the same establishment for a few years. The players come and go. In May of 2010 in walks Don Juan. I smile at him and that's it. Turn my head back and focus completely onto my girlfriends. He moves on, but noticed my lack of interest.

He comes back week after week, I may speak politely, but just shrug him off. He picks up numerous girls during these weeks by the way. He tries the lack of interest on me, but I am not interested. He is now very interested, because you see, he wants what he can't have.

July, yes July, I decide to make the move. He is so curious by now, he doesn't know if I just have a bitch shield up or what. He goes to the bathroom, walks right by me. I back my stool up a bit where he is in my line of vision, and lay in wait. He walks out the bathroom, I catch his eye and don't break the stare. By the time he reaches me, I say one little sentence. Well Hello (call him by name), and smile.

What has happened over those weeks is my degree of value has gone up. I don't jump like the others did, therefore he sees me as valuable. He has also seen that he isn't the only one that doesn't manage to pick me up. No easy girl here. If you are an easy girl that doesn't grasp how to be hard to get, well this isn't for you, he won't see value in you.

The results of this. We dated for six months, the tiger turned into a pussy cat and yes I broke his heart. Not bragging on this, but it happened. That though is another post.

If you are going to play a player, you need to understand the concept behind hard to get. It's not what you think. Hard to Get is a state of mind.

Update here on June, 2013.  Me and this player are living together now and he is true blue and faithful to me.  He comes home everyday after work, he adores me.  He fooled around and fell in love.  A player reformed!  Players can be had, oh yes they can!  

How To Find Love Online - Step One

Online dating is fast catching on to be an effective method to finding love. The thing that so many women miss is step one. Step one is commit to it. I mean finding love is pretty serious business, so why would you not commit to it. So many women go into it thinking they will just try it out. They get discouraged because they don't get results as quickly as they would like. Have you forgotten that most things worth having are worth working for.

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That being said, if you signed up for 30 days, you can't be too serious or committed to it. This is going to take longer than 30 days more times than not. It could be 6 months or a year. If you signed up for a free site, expect it could take longer.

For starters, a paying site is going to attract more commitment minded men. If a man has invested into this, chances are better he is committed to finding love online as well. I visualize the men on the free sites eating chips laying on the sofa watching tv. I am sure there are quality men there, but the chances are higher on a paying site.

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No point denying that finding love is not a large part of our world. We were created to desire a partner. We are searching for the right partner and it should be taken serious. If you are looking for that perfect job, you don't expect to find it right off the bat do you? No you go on interview after interview and you invest into it. You buy that power suit, you polish your resume, you prep for it and keep trying. Why should searching for love online be different?

It takes commitment. It takes perseverance. It also takes skill. I keep thinking about my friend who had 42 first dates with 42 different men before she found love online. It took her about 8 months, but what a journey she had. Unlike most women, she committed to it and did not give up.

Committing to it is step one. It's like with anything, a diet, a career, going to school, if you want results and you want to find love online, you have to commit fist. Anything less is just pointless.

I have recently started dating again online. I am in month 3. I have not found love online, but I am relentless in my efforts. I invest a specified amount of time, I send a specified number of ice breaker emails out and I reply to emails as well. I have tweaked my profile and changed things around if I am not getting the results I desire. It's a trial and error thing.

There are many techniques that can be learned to increase your chances, such as having an expert write your profile or learning how to build attraction through your emails. It's not as cut and dry as you would think it is, but that is another blog post.
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How To Keep Your Boyfriend Interested

How do you keep him interested in you become his girlfreind is really not that difficult. I think we get scared because of past experiences. Most of us have been dumped or just had a man disappear on us. It's not fun, that is for sure, but it doesn't mean every man will do this. Still you can take preventive measures to keep him interested in you.

Think about when you first met. What was it about you that he found so exciting. One of the biggest mistakes women make is they change after they get the guy. The fun flirty girl he first met just vanishes. Guys like fun girls, so if you are going to keep him interested, you have to remain the fun girl. Leave the drama behind.

Second fatal mistake women make is trying to change him. They start making suggestions to him how to do things or what he should be doing. Some women even try to change their boyfriends style of dress. Men crave acceptance. If you try to change him, he isn't going to feel very accepted.

Whatever you do, don't mother him. That means no bed time check ins, no doing his laundry or trying to hard to please him. This is not why he chose you for a girlfriend I am sure. Men like sexy women and if you start acting like his mother, you aren't going to be very sexy to him.

If you are going to keep him interested, and you insist on doing domesticated things for him, involve him in it. If you are cooking dinner for him, make sure he is present when you are doing all the work. Don't just do it and have him over to eat. Let him see you in action, and it doesn't hurt to look sexy while doing this. I once had a man tell me I was so sexy with my hair everywhere and covered in flour. Let him participate and experience these things with you, don't do it all for him.

If you are wondering how to keep your boyfriend interested remember this. Men love to be needed. I don't mean as an emotional sounding board. They like to do things to help you, they are fixers. Let them. It makes them feel important and makes them feel like men. Let him kill the bug, change the lightbulb you can't reach, fix your dryer. Always show appreciation for these things by smiling and saying thank you.

To find out more about the women men adore, click here.