Is He Going To Break Up With Me?

If your guy has started calling and texting less, reasons popping up as to why he can't see you, it probably has you really worried. Maybe he is short tempered to you or seems to not have as much patience as he did. You may not understand what is going on, but you know it's something. You live in fear and the thought, he is going to break up with me stays in your mind.

Usually when a man starts putting distance between you, something is going on. He could be in that freak out stage, he could be feeling smothered. One thing we know from experience though, a man often acts this way prior to a break up. When that distance enters the picture, we wait in fear for those words. "It's not you, it's me". This line is a sure sign he is about to break up with you, that's for sure, we have all heard it and live in fear of it.

One of the most common reasons why men disappear or break up with you is they suddenly realize the girl in their life is more serious than he is. She is acting like the girlfriend. Sure he gave her signs, spent time with her, told her sweet things. He seemed perfectly happy the way things were progressing. Guys though, live in the moment. When they realize the girl is seeing herself as his girlfriend and acting the part, they get scared. All of a sudden, they have to think about someone else. The responsibility can be over whelming.

At the time maybe he was. Men fear a loss of their freedom. If they now realize they may have to consider your feelings prior to doing things such as hanging out with their buddies, they start to freak. They think, uh oh, she is going to start to try to control my life, thus he losses his freedom. A man's freedom is important to him and if he feels that is threatened he may be on the verge of breaking up. It's one thing they miss the most if they are in a relationship.

One thing you don't want to do is hold onto him tighter or push him to talk about it. This just sets him back more. Men don't deal with emotions very well. If you get all emotional on him, it just validates the reason why he should break up with you in his mind. The best thing you can do when you are in fear and can't stop asking the question, "will he break up with me", is give him that space. There are a lot of dynamics going on in a man's mind at this point and your behavior can make or break this. It can determine whether he feels safe to continue with you, or if he decides to break up with you.

Don't be caught off guard and be left hurt and feeling helpless. If you guy is distant, have a plan before the break up begins.

Why do Men Leave

When you and your guy break up there are usually some questions that race through our mind
1. What happened?
2. What did I do wrong?
3. What's wrong with him
4. Can I get him back or is it too late?

Its mind blowing when a man that seemed to be so interested in you, can one day just lose all interest in you or the relationship. It can set you in a panick. You want to fix it and you want to do it now. Here are the thoughts that are also going through your head.
1. I must call him
2. I must write, email or text him
3. If I can only give something to him
4. If I could just tell him how I feel
5. If I could just get him to talk about how he feels
6. If only he could understand me
7. If only I could understand him

These thoughts are valid, but they are thoughts the we as women feel. We relate and process this break up much differently than a man does. These thoughts do not work on a man.

The top reasons, (not the only reasons) a man leaves a woman.
1. You were too helful and accomodating (he does not want a mother)
2. You were too needy
3. You were too strong or rigid

When a man leaves you, although he may not show it, there is a lot going on in his head. We are talking about a man's heart and there is a lot going on inside that he may not be aware of, that he's trying to avoid. It is a powerful thing to turn a man's heart. He has to warm up slowly, lower his guard and let his addrenaline die down before he can wrap his mind around reconciling with you.

This takes a man time and where we make our mistake is not giving him the time to go through this process. We call, beg, plead and try to convince him. Men do not respond to words they respond to distance. If you do all of these things you are actually pushing him away because you are reminding and validating to him all the reasons he broke up with you in the first place.

This is where the no contact rule comes into play. You shut down and give him that time, but be prepared it could take weeks, sometimes longer. It rarely happens in a couple of days. We as women want to end the pain and want instant gratification, but if you really want him back you have to be more aware of how thier mind works and stop thinking about what you want right now and focus on long term goal.

There is no guarantee but nearly every man will initiate some form of contact if you have shut down withing two months of a break up. The waitng is hard, but stay busy and go on like he is not coming back. Everytime you contact him, you are pushing him further away and killing your chances of getting him back.When he does call this is your chance to turn it around. First call do not talk about the relationship or what went wrong. Be light and fun and act like you are happy. You want to replace that last memory of you being needy with a positive one and this is going to make him feel its safe enough to call again without you getting all serious on him. Your lack of emotion will set you apart and pleasantly surprise him. Be the first to end the call and limit it to a very short call, no more than 10 minutes. Also don't share any details of your life or the past, just small talk.

Now you hang up and you are wondering what he is thinking about you and you may feel you have not done enough to help him get back with you. If you are feeling this way, the good news is, you are probably doing it right. Remember the things you want to do such as talk to him, tell him you miss him, telling him how you feel will drive him farther. Therefore, if you are wondering about him, then you have probably given him enough space to wonder about you.

Now he is open and feels comfortable enough to call again, keep it light again and repeat above steps. His imagination is now running about you and he is filling in the gaps and wondering all kinds of things. This is when he will start to move back towards you and this is when you will get the opportunity to really have that conversation and tell him how you feel because he is going to ask. Its all about timing. If you can hang in there and wait it out, let him come to you, that is when he will be open to listen to your feelings.