Why Men Leave - It's Not Him, It's You

Attraction is a key ingredient in a relationship. When a man leaves, this ingredient has somehow gotten lost. Life can get in the way often. Stress happens, things happen in life that put outside pressures on relationships. If the attraction is lost, men often leave as opposed to working it out but why?

Men must feel like they are making you happy. The day the man feels like it's a job to make you happy, he leaves eventually. It's what makes men happy, to make the woman they love happy. If you don't assure your man that he makes you happy, you could be partly to blame. If you are a woman that complains he won't feel he is making you happy I promise. Complaining only puts distance between couples.

Many women struggle with men leaving during the early stages of dating. There are many reasons why men leave in the early stages. I could write a book. The main and only reason though that you should be concerned with is the fact that yes he did leave. For some reason he did not see you as girlfriend or wife material. Hard pill to swallow indeed.

Often women spend so much time analyzing why a man left. They go through it over and over in their heads and never get the right answer. My philosophy is it's ok to analyze. It will come in handy one day when you meet the right man that does not leave you will be better able to recognize him because you won't feel the need to analyze him to death.

I would love to be able to tell you that it's not you, it's him and that is why men leave, but the truth usually is it's you. There is something that reaches his core and tells him you aren't the one. Some reason his attraction fades. If this keeps happening to you, it pays to understand how attraction really works and what keeps the attraction going. It's way more than a physical thing, it's a deep emotional attraction that holds him.

The main reason why men leave is about attraction. It has started to fade. The more it fades, the more you may be feeling the disconnect and this may cause you to hold on tighter or start to question and feel insecure in your relationship. This will only assure his disappearance. The tighter you hold on, the greater your chances are from becoming another woman asking why do men leave.

Do you truly understand why men leave? Do you kid yourself by saying they are jerks or making excuses for them? You can stop the disappearing man syndrome simply by understanding how attraction works for men and never be the woman men leave again.

Why He Disappeared!

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Why Men Break up with Women

I read about it every day. Women wondering what are the reasons men break up with women. How do they just shut if off like a light switch? What is he thinking? We wonder how he could just fall out of love so fast.

There are many reasons men break up with women, but the main common denominator is this. They just aren't feeling like you are the one. They don't have enough burning desire to make you theirs. It takes a lot of things to create this desire. They have to feel safe, trusted, loved, but not smothered. They have to feel they are still free beings to commit.

Usually the underlying reason that men break up with women is they start to feel responsible for the happiness of the woman they are involved with. She starts expecting more, wanting to know where she stands. This tells a man loud and clear that she is letting him dictate the relationship and that she is dependant on him for the outcome. A woman who does not need a man for her happiness is much easier to be with, much easier to feel safe with.

Many women make a career out of being dumped. They may last a few weeks, months, maybe even a couple years but the ending is always the same. If women would take the time to learn how men really think, they could break this pattern and stop being the one who is dumped. When a man tells a woman "it's not you, it's me". He means it is you. Isn't it time to figure out why?

Learn what attracts and keeps a man's desire burning for you. Stop watching them move onto another woman and wondering why. Learn to be the woman men adore.

Why do Men Leave

When you and your guy break up there are usually some questions that race through our mind
1. What happened?
2. What did I do wrong?
3. What's wrong with him
4. Can I get him back or is it too late?

Its mind blowing when a man that seemed to be so interested in you, can one day just lose all interest in you or the relationship. It can set you in a panick. You want to fix it and you want to do it now. Here are the thoughts that are also going through your head.
1. I must call him
2. I must write, email or text him
3. If I can only give something to him
4. If I could just tell him how I feel
5. If I could just get him to talk about how he feels
6. If only he could understand me
7. If only I could understand him

These thoughts are valid, but they are thoughts the we as women feel. We relate and process this break up much differently than a man does. These thoughts do not work on a man.

The top reasons, (not the only reasons) a man leaves a woman.
1. You were too helful and accomodating (he does not want a mother)
2. You were too needy
3. You were too strong or rigid

When a man leaves you, although he may not show it, there is a lot going on in his head. We are talking about a man's heart and there is a lot going on inside that he may not be aware of, that he's trying to avoid. It is a powerful thing to turn a man's heart. He has to warm up slowly, lower his guard and let his addrenaline die down before he can wrap his mind around reconciling with you.

This takes a man time and where we make our mistake is not giving him the time to go through this process. We call, beg, plead and try to convince him. Men do not respond to words they respond to distance. If you do all of these things you are actually pushing him away because you are reminding and validating to him all the reasons he broke up with you in the first place.

This is where the no contact rule comes into play. You shut down and give him that time, but be prepared it could take weeks, sometimes longer. It rarely happens in a couple of days. We as women want to end the pain and want instant gratification, but if you really want him back you have to be more aware of how thier mind works and stop thinking about what you want right now and focus on long term goal.

There is no guarantee but nearly every man will initiate some form of contact if you have shut down withing two months of a break up. The waitng is hard, but stay busy and go on like he is not coming back. Everytime you contact him, you are pushing him further away and killing your chances of getting him back.When he does call this is your chance to turn it around. First call do not talk about the relationship or what went wrong. Be light and fun and act like you are happy. You want to replace that last memory of you being needy with a positive one and this is going to make him feel its safe enough to call again without you getting all serious on him. Your lack of emotion will set you apart and pleasantly surprise him. Be the first to end the call and limit it to a very short call, no more than 10 minutes. Also don't share any details of your life or the past, just small talk.

Now you hang up and you are wondering what he is thinking about you and you may feel you have not done enough to help him get back with you. If you are feeling this way, the good news is, you are probably doing it right. Remember the things you want to do such as talk to him, tell him you miss him, telling him how you feel will drive him farther. Therefore, if you are wondering about him, then you have probably given him enough space to wonder about you.

Now he is open and feels comfortable enough to call again, keep it light again and repeat above steps. His imagination is now running about you and he is filling in the gaps and wondering all kinds of things. This is when he will start to move back towards you and this is when you will get the opportunity to really have that conversation and tell him how you feel because he is going to ask. Its all about timing. If you can hang in there and wait it out, let him come to you, that is when he will be open to listen to your feelings.

Break Up and Our Crazy Thoughts

When we have been dumped left, jilted, whatever you want to call it, we start having these crazy thoughts. We rethink it over and over and replay conversations and good and bad times in our heads over and over. This drives us insane. We are our worst enemy in times like these.

One of the biggest fears we have I do believe is he or will he be with someone else. We imagine them in the arms of another woman doing and saying all the things they did and said with us. It eats us alive.

Its the way we as women think, but you have to stop driving youself crazy about something you have absolutely no control over. Do you think he is thinking those thoughts about you? Maybe, maybe not. You have to accept those things that you can't control and work on what you can control, which is you. You are only hurting yourself more by allowing this to consume you. Take control of your thought process and accept that whatever happens just happens. Acceptance is a big part of keeping those thoughts under control.

I went through and even convinced myself that my guy broke up with me and he would have no trouble finding another woman. Then I convinced myself that even if he did, she would not be no where near as wonderful as I am. That is how I learned to deal with those thoughts.

If you do want him back though and you want to decrease the chances of him ending up with someone else, then get on the plan to get back your man.