How To Make a Man Happy

What makes a man happy?  Most women searching for this answer on the web are hoping to find something they can do or a certain way to act that makes him happy.  Some search for ways to make their men happier in the bedroom thinking this is a way to make him happy.  It doesn't hurt, I will give you that.  It's not the key to a man's happiness though.  The key to a man's happiness does not lie in what you can do for him, or what or how much you give to him.  It's more about what he can give to you that makes him happy.

I am going to share a little story about my friend Dee.  Dee is a pleaser.  We all love a pleaser, they make life so much easier don't they.  Does all their giving though make you happy?  Don't you really feel happy when you are the giver?  Men are no exception to this rule.  Dee I suspect even looks for small reasons and things to give her man and I must say, he is now drifting away and she doesn't get it at all.

I went with Dee to a cookout at her guys house.  Dee was calling offering to bring something, or stop by the store.  He said he had it covered.  Then she thought ahead.  They might run out of beer.  She stopped and bought a case to take.  We got to his house and she pulls out a bag that I didn't know was there.  Inside were some odds and ends, cooking utensils, extra ashtrays, just stuff.  She thought these things would make him happy.  

He didn't ask her for anything, he just invited her to a cookout.  These extras were in his mind sort of telling him "I know you said you had it covered, but just in case".  If she wanted to truly make him happy the best thing she could have done was to show up and enjoy herself and let him know how much she appreciated it.  Appreciation is huge to men by the way, a key in how to make a man happy.

Here comes another issue with the above situation.  She always brings things over, does things.  In her mind she is giving and then when he doesn't give back, she is disappointed.  Next thing you know she may be complaining and wondering why he doesn't do the same for her.  Resentment created by your own hands. 

If you want to make know how to make a man happy, consider letting him make you happy instead.  That's all men really want, to be able to make you happy.  That is the secret to how to make a man happy.  When it begins to seem like work to make you happy, the thrill is gone.

How To Keep Your Man Happy - A Huge Key

So, how to keep your man happy?  Many come to me asking for advice as to what they can do to keep their man happy.  Many are thinking along the lines of what can they do for him or give to him that will make him happy.  They are missing the key by a mile.  Doing things for him or giving him gifts does not necessarily make a man happy.  That is what makes a woman happy.  Men really aren't wired like we are.  Over giving or over compensating can have a negative affect on a man.  He begins to feel obligated.  This is often when over time you will hear the man say something along the lines of "You deserve better".  By over giving, you are setting yourself up for this famous line.

A huge key in keeping a man happy is in appreciation.  Show him and tell him you appreciate him.  Not by giving back to him, but by simply appreciating him, even in the simplest ways. I think often we let the little things slide.  Then he stops doing the little things and we are left searching for a way to get it back.  Then you express verbally the little things are missing.  This just reinforces to him that he can't make you happy.  Oh the vicious cycle begins here.  Then comes the distance, then you asking even more what's wrong, him feeling even more he can't make you happy.  The fastest way not keep your man happy is for him to feel he can't make you happy.

I got an email the other day from a young lady telling me her boyfriend just didn't do the little things he used to do.  He no longer opened her car door, she hadn't gotten flowers in months, he never sent her thinking about you text and the list went on and on.  I asked her had she ever mentioned to him that she really liked the fact that he opened her car door or told him it made her feel really warm inside.  Of course she hadn't.  Her response to his thinking about you texts was always "thinking about you too".  Had she told him instead that she loved his texts and how they enhanced her day, chances are slimmer that they would have stopped. Men not only love feeling appreciated, they need it to thrive in a relationship. 

When I show my guy I appreciate him, I swear he grows 3 inches taller.  He beams and gets this satisfied look on his face.  The result, he never stops doing those amazing little things.  We need these amazing little things ourselves to thrive in a relationship.  Inspire him to give you what you need.  Tell him next time he does something simple for you.  The rewards are quite worth it.  This is a key on how to keep your man happy in a relationship.  Men really are easy.

Men made easy

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How To Spot a Player

So, do you know how to spot a player.  Do you know the signs that he is a love em and leave em type of guy. 

A player relies on his mouth to get him what he wants.  He knows what to say and he knows how to push your emotional buttons.  He has enough knowledge about the female mind and how it works to be dangerous.  He knows how to use his knowledge to manipulate and doesn't seem to feel any remorse for doing so.

A player will also use his mouth to toot his own horn.  He may tell you have fantastic having sex with him will be.  He may even tell you how he is more sensitive than most men and try to come across as a rare and caring soul that understands women.  Players often verbally paint these pictures of themselves as martyrs.  Some even brag how they take extra care of their parents. They exploit their good deeds and pretend to be modest. 

Ignore the words, the man that is so magnificent will not need to talk about it.  He just is. 

Players are also secretive.  They won't really share much personal information, yet they manage to get a lot of personal information about you.  If you find that he knows way more about you and your life than he does about yours, you may be getting played.

If you want to know how to spot a player, watch his actions, ignore his words.  A player is often all talk and no action.  He will talk about all the wonderful things he wants to do for you or with you, yet they don't happen.

A player will get random phone calls and you can bet they are from women.  He will play it off and act like she doesn't mean anything to him or she is history, but you can bet when you aren't around, it's a different story.  Again, ignore his words, watch his actions.
 
Can player be had?  Oh yes absolutely, but it's not a game for the faint of heart.  It takes a dream girl to play a player.

Why Do Men Pull Away

Why Do Men Pull Away

By robinincarolina  Posted on: Dec 12, 2011 ¦

He was calling and texting every day, and then out of the blue you feel he is distant. You can sense something isn't right. He calls less or is just less talkative or enthusiastic when he calls. He has things come up and reasons that he can't see you. You analyze it to death in your head and wonder why is he pulling away. You are probably going over and over in your mind the last few weeks, wondering what you did.

 

Men pull away for many reasons, but the main one is usually on some level, he doesn't feel safe with you. Maybe you got clingy or needy. Did you start questioning him as to who he is with, or where he has been. Do you want him to check in? This comes across as a huge warning flag to a man of a woman who will possibly become controlling in the future. He fears the loss of his freedom.

If you stepped into the relationship in your heart and head before he did, this will also cause him to pull away. If you are giving more to it than he is, such as calling and texting him first and doing most of the initiating and planning, this makes a man take a step back and this is often why men pull away. They like to lead. They like to be challenged. A woman that does most of the work in a relationship just loses his attraction and fast.
If you are wondering why is he pulling away, ask yourself how do you really think you make him feel. Men fall in love with the way you make them feel. They like to be the hero. Do you allow him to be your hero or are you busy trying to be his?

Men love a woman who can receive and appreciate him. If you give too much too fast, this does not inspire the hero in him. This plants the thought in his head that you may expect the same in return. Men want it to be their idea to give. If you are giving more than he is, this causes him to feel obligated to you. This is an attraction killer for sure and could be why he is pulling away.

Do you know how to make a man feel like a man. Do you know the real truth why he disappears.

Herpes Is a Blessing, Not a Curse

I talk to many many women and men daily.  We cover all sorts of topics, but recently a woman came to me with the Herpes questions.  She is divorced and hasn't done much dating except a short series of one night stands, which you guessed it, she contracted Herpes.  Now she wonders when to tell and if she should tell any potential partners.  She is looking for a lasting relationship by the way.  She is seriously considering not dating at all because of it.  I say nonsense.

I don't know the actual statistics, but do know they are pretty high.  A large percentage of the population does have this virus.  The good news of course is it can be controlled. The bad news is it causes often great shame in those that have it.  I hope today to turn around some of you thoughts or feelings of shame on this subject.

It's a fine line of when to tell your partner something so very personal.  It's not first date conversation.  Many fear telling of this sooner rather than later because it will scare off the potential mate.  First off, to tell your new partner about this requires great trust.  I am positive that many a person has had this "virus:" thrown back up at them later as ammunition, say in a fight perhaps. There is also the chance of complete rejection.  This is scary stuff.  It makes one not want to tell. but tell you must.

So how is this a blessing and not a curse.  For starters you have your own built in relationship pacing mechanism.  You will tend to move more slowly into relationships and build up a foundation of trust before jumping.  You simply must trust him prior to sharing such personal information. You very well may also abstain from having sex too soon, that thing that puts us as women into the bonding mind frame where we attach, sometimes sooner than we should.

You also now have very own separate the wheat from the chaff measuring stick.  If a man or woman for that matter dumps you because you have herpes, well he/she is not for you anyway.  Also if your partner sticks around after learning of this, well chances are good he is a keeper.  Sure you may lose a few because of this, but if he runs, he didn't have staying power in the first place.

Another blessing in this is showing your vulnerability.  Tell a few guys about this and see how much easier being vulnerable can become.  To prosper in relationships, we must learn to be vulnerable.  

What I am suggesting is that you embrace it rather than feel shame towards this virus that many suffer from.  It is not the end of the world.  It can be controlled and your life does not have to change.  Sure you have a responsibility to your partners, but don't discredit the responsibility that you also have to yourself.  The responsibility to trust yourself and the partners that you choose to share with.

Living with Herpes.

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How To Make A Man Feel Good

This is something that evades a lot of women.  They want to make a man feel good. They hope by doing this, he will be more endeared and attached to them.  I get emails from women wanting suggestions for a perfect gift.  They want to know what they can do to make him happy or how to make a man feel good.  Usually they relate this to giving to a man and giving more.  This is not what makes a man feel good necessarily.

If you want to make a man feel good, the best way to go about this is to allow him to make you feel good and show appreciation for this.  Men like to make their women happy.  It is when they feel they can't do this that they often give up and leave the relationship.  Your man may not show love in the same way that you do.  He may fix your car as opposed to roses and candlelight.  Thank him, tell him you appreciate it.  When he accomplishes something in his life, maybe a promotion, maybe he helped someone else do something.  Acknowledge his accomplishments.  This makes him feel good.  Appreciation and acknowledgement go a long ways.

If he offers to do something for you, let him.  He wants to make you happy.  Making you happy is what inspires him.  It's what makes him happy.  You don't have to give give give to make a man feel good.  Giving too much has the opposite effect on him.  It puts pressure on him.  He then feels obligated to return it.  You don't want to cause your man to feel obligation.

If you want to become a better lover, there is no harm in this.  Remember this though.  Although it's nice to be a skilled lover, most men again like pleasing you.  They also like an enthusiastic lover over an acrobat any day.  When you enjoy yourself in the bedroom, this is the best gift you could give him.  Even with something like a blow job.  Sure they love it if you are good at oral sex, but the fact that you are wiling and eager goes even further. 

You can find some more tips on how to make your man feel good here.
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First Date Sex - Sex and Dating

Is it okay to have sex on a first date?  This was posted on facebook this morning and the answers just shocked me to be honest.  Almost every answer was NO.  While that is all fine and well, what was even more shocking was the reasons most of these ladies gave for the no answer.  Reasons like he will think you are easy, he won't respect you, he will never have a relationship with you, he will think you are a slut and so forth and so on.

My point?  All the answers these women gave about why not to have first date sex was about him and what he would think of them.  Nice way to start out huh?  Worrying about what he thinks and feels and not the first thought about themselves.  How common of a theme this is with women is undeniable.  Women worry.  First date and they are already focused on impressing him.  What happened to him impressing you?

I would think there are much more valid reasons to not have first date sex.  For starters, you probably don't know much about him.  He could be controlling, he could be an abuser, he could be emotionally unavailable, he could even be married.  Have you ever had first date sex and then a couple of weeks down the road you discover he just isn't for you for whatever reason and you end up breaking it off?  These are more logical reasons to not have first date sex in my mind.

If you have sex on the first date or not should be about you and not about him.  It's about what feels right for you.  I have known many a woman to have first date sex and go onto a relationship and even marriage.  I think it's a lot to do with your attitude.  A man can sense insecurity and neediness in a woman.  If you are having sex to please him, he will know it.  Many women when they have sex for the first time with a man focus on pleasing him.  They do all sorts of maneuvers trying to make it good for him hoping that will bring him back for more.

The funny thing is, what brings them back for more is your enjoyment.  Men like to make women happy.  It makes a man feel like a man.  There the woman just wasted all the energy and effort when it would have been more effective if she just focused on her own enjoyment as opposed to his.

The other part of this that baffles me is this.  So much emphasis is put on when to have sex or not.  When is too soon to have sex etc...  What about your heart.  Isn't that the part that you really should be focused on if you should or should not surrender it to a man.  Does he know how to take care of it?  Sex pales in comparison to the value of your heart, yet you don't see articles all over the web advising about this.

With sex and dating, it's wise if doing it sooner rather than later to do so with no expectations.  If you have sex early on, own it, take responsibility for it.  No crying, asking when will you see him again, or apologizing.  You are a grown woman.  You are in control of yourself.  Acting as if you didn't mean to have sex with him on a first date only tells him you aren't in control.  This above the actual act is why he may not respect you.

A woman in control of herself and her heart is the woman men adore.

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How Do I Know If He Loves Me

I suppose I could start this post with, well if you have to ask "How do I know if he loves me", then he must not be in love.  I do realize though that many women are confused on this topic.  They get mixed signals or what they interpret as mixed signals and analyze it to death.  Does he love me?  Is he falling in love with me?  He told me this and he said that.  What does it mean?

First it's about actions actions actions.  Words really are easy to say.  Men are also taught to tell women what they want to hear.  Does he back up his words with actions is the key here.  When he says he will call, he does.  When he asks you out, he follows through and doesn't leave you guessing.  If you want to know if he loves you or not, watch his actions.

A man in love goes out of his way to make his woman happy.  He may give up a night with the guys or a sporting event to go shopping with you instead.  It was his idea.  If you have to badger him, it doesn't count.  He wants to spend time with you.  He makes the effort to make sure it happens.  He includes you in his life, family and friends. 

He is proud of you and hides nothing about you.  He may even be proud that you have your girly stuff at his house and doesn't chase after you to make sure you leave no evidence behind.  It's okay to keep a box of tampons under his bathroom sink.  He actually welcomes it. 

If you are taking a man's words and tearing them apart trying to figure out how he feels or how to know he loves me, you are wasting your time.  It's not in his kiss.  It's not in the great sex, it's in his actions.

When He is In and Out of Your Life

Ever been crazy about a man who is in and out of your life.  He spends the weekend with you or maybe a night and it's just incredible.  The chemistry is over the top and you feel such a connection.  Then he just disappears for days, weeks at a time, only to reappear again down the road to repeat it all over again.  It's baffling, so what is going on here?

This is a man that can't not only commit to being with you, he can't commit to being without you either.  In other words, he just can't commit, period.  Many women stay in this situation hoping he will come to his senses.  They convince themselves of all the reasons he could be doing this.  Work is stressful, he is busy, he has family issues.  The reasons could be many.  The truth is though, he just isn't ready to commit or willing to commit. 

By allowing this man to come in and out of your life leaving your heart all over the place, you are accepting his crumbs on his terms.  What are your terms?  Is this enough for you.  Many women get in too deep and next thing you know years go by and it's still the same ole thing.  They can't fall for another man because their heart is too wrapped up in this man.

A man that comes in and out of your life or a man that disappears on you is not seeing you as a priority in his life, there is no other reason.  If he isn't committing because of being busy, working, family issues, whatever, it's because he doesn't want to.  Men do exactly what they want to do.  He is more than likely just keeping his other options open.

This is a hard situation to be in.  Why he disappeared is really not that much of a mystery as most women make it out to be.  The mystery may lie in why do you allow him to do this?  Why he disappeared.

Why He Disappeared After Sex

It's pretty common for guys to disappear after sex.  I hear it a lot.  There are a number of reasons for this, but mainly it boils down to really not having much to do with the fact that he just had sex with you.  Of course there are guys out there that are only looking to score, but it's up to you to learn to distinguish the difference.

Guys can tell why you have sex with them.  If you are doing it just to please him, he senses it.  This spells desperation to him.  A guy would rather you have sex because you wanted to.  Otherwise he feels as if it's some ploy to trap him.  Often women start putting off the vibe that they think they are now in a relationship.  Sex does not equal a relationship. 

If the truth be told, he was probably going to disappear if you slept with him or not.  Many are under the belief that guys see them as easy when they sleep with them to soon.  There may be some truth to this, but if the guy is into you to start with, it's not going to matter.  Where women screw up with this is that once they sleep with a guy, they are ready to now invest their hearts.  This is where the easy comes into play in reality.  A man likes to work for your heart.  If you give it away quickly, he doesn't see it's value.  He thinks he isn't anything special.

If a guy disappears after you have had sex, it's one of two things.

1.  He wasn't that into you in the first place.  It's really no one to blame here.  We can't help who we are or aren't into.  I imagine you too have felt like disappearing on a guy after you had sex.  Maybe you did it in a moment of weakness and you really didn't like the guy.  Maybe you were drunk, who knows, but it happens.    We all do it or have done it.  That is one reason why he disappeared.

2.  The second reason is how you behave afterwards.  If you start acting like a girlfriend before he has made that move, it's a turn off.  If you got all emotional, well you made him feel guilty.  Guilt and sex don't go together.  If you expect it to mean something special to him, he will sense it.  Most men don't see sex as something special, at least not in the early dating stage. 

Then of course there is the chance that you aren't that great in bed.  If you were more focused on pleasing him and not focused on allowing him to please you, this is not good.  Men feel good when they make you feel good.  Picture Tarzan beating his chest and you will get the idea.  

Men bond before sex, women bond after sex.  It's sort of screwed up, but it is what it is.  For more truths on why he disappeared, visit here.

How Long to Wait Before Having Sex

Women stress about this subject.  They often ask me how long should they wait to have sex.  They worry if they have sex too soon, he will disappear.  My wise dating coach friend Jonathon Aslay says 10 dates.  If he is into you he will wait.  That's all fine and well and while I don't think it's a bad idea, I think there is too much placed on the importance of sex and what it means.

Women naturally feel closer to the man after sex, while men feel closer to the woman before sex.  It's a chemical thing.  Oh the Gods!  What a cruel joke.  Actually it's to ensure we continue to multiply so I get it, but still.  Picture this.  It's a first date and there has been dynamic sexual tension all night.  He feels really intune with her.  She isn't sure, but she has sex any way.  Now after wards, thanks to the Gods, she now feels connected.  Women who feel connected start to share.  He isn't feeling so connected now.  See how this can turn him off and make him disappear.

That being said, it's really how you act after sex that counts.  If you behave like you are now in a relationship and start do girlfriend things, you may scare him off.  This tells him not only is it easy to sleep with you, it's easy to win your heart.  That's the key to this all.  It's your heart.  While yes your body is sacred, it's your heart that holds the true value of who you are.  It's this that makes him disappear more so than the fact you had sex too soon. 

A man can sense the reasons for you having sex.  He knows if you are doing it just to please him and he knows if you are doing it from a place of desperation or loneliness.  A woman who knows her own heart and mind and it's value gives off a completely different vibe.  If after sex she isn't eager to jump into a relationship because sex does not qualify him alone, she gains and maintains his respect.   He senses she isn't convinced yet that he is boyfriend material and this throws him for a loop.  Most women are the opposite.

Another mistake women make after they sleep with a man is they apologize and try to tell the man this isn't something they usually do.  Save it.  He won't believe it.  He has heard it before.  You are an adult, take responsibility for what you did and don't act like it's something terrible.  It won't make him feel very good that is for sure.  It may make him feel guilt and you can bet he probably will disappear and won't sleep with you again.  The path to a man's heart is how you make him feel.

If you don't know the value of your self, or if you are unsure of his intentions and this matters to you, then waiting is probably best.  Understand this though.  It may be months before you can be sure of his intentions, maybe longer. If you have had more men disappear than stay, it may be a good idea to take that 10 date rule until you learn how to judge a man's intentions more clearly or be at ease if his intentions don't match yours.

When deciding when to have sex with a man, think of it this way.  Sex isn't really the issue so much.  The issue is your heart.  Some think with holding sex is being hard to get.  It's not really.  Hard to get is with holding your heart until he has given you proof that he knows how to handle it with care.  This should be your focus, not the sex.  Sex will not get or keep a man.   

The Key to If He Likes You or Not

I have heard women fret about getting the attention of men.  I have had many even ask me how do I get his attention.  There really is no secret move we can make, or something profound we can say to achieve this. Many worry what if he doesn't like me.  Have you once considered flipping the tables.  Why not for a change wonder, hmmm, will I even like this guy?  I wonder if this guy has what it takes to get MY attention.

I know and you probably know the key to it all is self love.  You also probably want to cringe if one more person tells you this is the key.  I mean what is the formula to this self love?  Sure the gurus can tell you that is the key, but unless they tell you how to get this so called self love, it does you little good.  Finding self love is often a long journey.  To many it's elusive and seems out of their grasp.

So what is the answer?  You can start by faking it until you make it.  Some like this term, others don't.  I do like it and it has served me well.  For example, we have heard how powerful a smile is or how something as simple as using a person's first name has an impact.  We know this, but few practice it.  Look around you.  Next time you go to a convenience store or grocery store notice how many clerks are actually smiling.  Look at the people in line.  Chances are good they are frustrated more than smiling.  How many of these people read a nametag on the clerk and actually call them by it.  These two things alone can disarm a person.

So what if you just practiced these two little things.  Smile if you didn't feel like it at EVER BODY.  When talking with a person, say their name.  Both may not always seem natural.  Do it anyway and notice the person's response.  It will be positive more times than not.  This acts as reinforcement to you of the positive kind.  You get rewarded.  Do anything often enough and it becomes a habit.  Hence you faked it until you made it.

There are a lot of great books that have these dating rules in them.  That is the sole purpose of these books.  They give you a blue print to follow until you get there.  The reactions of men have been studied for you and they teach you certain behaviors that just naturally stimulate a man to want to get to know you better.  After you try the principles in these books and get positive results, it just reinforces it to you and you continue as it becomes second nature.  

A few of these books are below.   I call them Dating Bibles.

Why He Disappeared, Evan Marc Katz - 5 Stars
The Women Men Adore, Bob Grant -5 stars
Calling Men, Mimi Tanner - 5 stars



If you are wondering if a man likes you or not, think, do I like myself?  Why on earth would he not like me?   It's more likely I won't like him or rather I won't see him as someone I want to further invest into, not the other way around.