Friday, April 8, 2011

How To Play a Player

Players or masterful pick up artists are popping up every where. It used to be that some men were just natural born players and had women falling at their feet. Now these techniques are being taught and actually practiced out in the field by these gurus all over the world. They take the guys into weekend bootcamps and teach them all about a woman's hot buttons and how to push them to score. The produce printed online material in the form of ebooks. Thing is these techniques work on unsuspecting women.

The number one website for guys to learn to be a pick up artist was created by Nick Savoy.  Nick is globally recognized in the pick up artist arena.  I did a one one one very candid  interview with Nick and you can listen to it on my website here at lovegirltalk.  He really takes you into the mind of a player. 

So can you play a player and turn the tables? Absolutely. It's not for the faint of heart though or the insecure woman who falls too hard to fast. To play a player, you need to leave your emotions out of it in order to trigger his.

Players are not just smooth talkers. They use human nature to their advantage. The we all want what we can't have is one of the best used tactic or the take away. They pay you attention, then ignore, back and forth. If you just met him out, he is back and forth with you. He may get up and approach another woman. This increases his value. If other women want him, it does tend to spark your attraction.

If you have been dating him, he more than likely contacts you strongly for a day or so, then stops. Back and forth he goes. There are times he probably won't answer your text, only to text you a few days later and attempt to meet up.

He is training you like pavlov's dog is what he is doing. When he is with you he makes you feel so good. Then when he is gone, you crave his attention. He goes into vanishing mode and while you can't find him, you are wanting to see him. He reappears, you are swept away with relief and the cycle starts again. The relief being the trigger for pavlov's dog. He just set you up.

So how do you turn the tables with this man? Think of a cat. Know how you dangle that string in front of a cat and he bats at it, tries to get it in his teeth? Then you pull the string away, and he lies there swagging his tail waiting to do it again.

Think though about the attention span of this cat. A spider walks by and he forgets all about the string...for a moment. Once he ate the spider, he comes back.

If you are going to play a player, you have to stand out from the other girls that fall into his games.  Most girls just get swept away by this silver tongued devils.  You attitude has to be one of I can take you or leave you.  You do not say this or speak your attitude, but you show it with your actions.  It could easily be in what you don't say as to what you do.  You be the one who doesn't whine and ask silly questions like "When will I see you again".  Not asking this question alone is powerful.  All the other girls ask him this and now he wonders why don't you.

Players can also get sex about anywhere.  So sex to them is not the way to their heart, but I am sure it won't hurt to have a few tricks up your sleeve or know some arts of pleasure that other women simply just don't know.  You can find more about male pleasure here.

Playing a player takes patience. The best way for me to explain it further is by example, my own.

I have frequented the same establishment for a few years. The players come and go. In May of 2010 in walks Don Juan. I smile at him and that's it. Turn my head back and focus completely onto my girlfriends. He moves on, but noticed my lack of interest.

He comes back week after week, I may speak politely, but just shrug him off. He picks up numerous girls during these weeks by the way. He tries the lack of interest on me, but I am not interested. He is now very interested, because you see, he wants what he can't have.

July, yes July, I decide to make the move. He is so curious by now, he doesn't know if I just have a bitch shield up or what. He goes to the bathroom, walks right by me. I back my stool up a bit where he is in my line of vision, and lay in wait. He walks out the bathroom, I catch his eye and don't break the stare. By the time he reaches me, I say one little sentence. Well Hello (call him by name), and smile.

What has happened over those weeks is my degree of value has gone up. I don't jump like the others did, therefore he sees me as valuable. He has also seen that he isn't the only one that doesn't manage to pick me up. No easy girl here. If you are an easy girl that doesn't grasp how to be hard to get, well this isn't for you, he won't see value in you.

The results of this. We dated for six months, the tiger turned into a pussy cat and yes I broke his heart. Not bragging on this, but it happened. That though is another post.

If you are going to play a player, you need to understand the concept behind hard to get. It's not what you think. Hard to Get is a state of mind.

Update here on June, 2013.  Me and this player are living together now and he is true blue and faithful to me.  He comes home everyday after work, he adores me.  He fooled around and fell in love.  A player reformed!  Players can be had, oh yes they can!


  1. I have a huge crush on this guy who I think is a player. We exchanged numbers and he texted me the same day. The next day he went out of town for two weeks and did not contact me at all in the meantime. I didn't try to contact him either cuz I wanted to see if he tries to reach me. 2/3 days after he got back in town, he called me and apologised for not contacting me for so long because he apparently left his phone at home. We talked on the phone for an hour and in the end made plans to go watch a movie. He left me hanging again and said will call me again to make plans on when we should go. It's been 5 days now and he still hasn't contacted. It's kind of obvious that this guy is probably a player. So if I want to play him, how do I get in control? I neeed help!

  2. Be unavailable. Turn the table. Don't be so available. Let him know you are seeing other men, whether you are or not. I have played numerous players. All is fair in love and war. Every single one of them, I have dumped... sooner or later. When I am done playing with them. And, each and everyone of them has wanted to try to hook it up again. It seriously does work.

  3. looks like the player got his match. which one of you is the psycho control freak, though?

  4. Hey there, just after some advice? The player I'm after I've known for 7 years now. Once a good guy, now this. About 6 months ago we started being "cuddle buddies" and cuddles and kisses is all we've done. After texts and meeting up he told me he loved me and asked if I was after a bf? Him being a player and known to be with alot of girls I said no and we both stopped talking and went back to our exs. After a few months things in both relationships went sour and we found ourselves back to each other. Again just cuddles and kisses. He always says things that make me think there could be more but then he does the ignoring text and phone call thing. I didn't contact him and after 4 days he called me, but the very next day we were meant to go out last minute "he couldn't". He does things like gives me money but hides it as he knows I won't accept and buys me things. He tells me he isn't a player but just a reputation and he felt a connection with me before going back to his ex which he says he broke up with her because she wasn't the one he really wanted. He tells me now he likes me and his feelings for me confuse him,he's just trying to find that spark we had before. Do they confuse him because he's a player but now he has these feelings for someone? Or is he simply playing me? And if he is playing me how do I play him back and if not how do I get that spark back?

  5. I've known this brazilian player guy for more than 1 year. So the story goes just like you mention in this article (him having bunch of other girls, calling/not calling etc...). We had a major fight 6 months ago when we met at a club him and his friends and me and my friends were there. He was with one of his ''girls'' who by the way he's been playing around and lying to. He grabbed her and danced with her infront of me and kissed her and watched me as he was doing it. He basically wanted to make me jealous. After that I told him what a monster he was and I never wanted to talk to him again. He thought I'd be running after him again after a couple of weeks but no not this time. many months passed and he didnt hear anything from me, so he tried to readd me on facebook several times I said no. Then finally he added me again last month and I said well let's see what he wants. He said he wants to be friends with me and that he's sorry for everything he did and he called me so many times during this month and we met last week. Before meeting I asked him if he wanted something serious with me or not (because he knew what I wanted, he knew I wanted something serious). He tried to avoid answering me on the phone and when we met I asked him and he said that he doesnt want something serious because he wants to live his life (and he also said that his previous relationship with his ex wasnt a good experience). When he said this, I told myself you are not going to be played around this time. So, that same night I sent him a message saying this:

    I think its better for me not to talk to you.

    I want a relationship and you dont. Every moment I had with you was good and I like you very much, but you dont want what I want. I think you're a good person, but if you dont want a relationship with me then I dont want anything to do with you. I respect that you want to live your life and you want to have fun.

    Please do not call me if you dont want to be serious with me. take care of yourself and dont let anyone hurt you.

    Now, I know how it looks like. but I thought it's better to show him I care even if he was the "mean guy" in the situation, I didn't want to do the same thing he does because I'm better than that. He never answered back (meaning he go angry/hurt or whatever) and I removed him from my contact list again. Before removing him from facebook he also saw that I changed my relationship status and that Im in a relationship with another brazilian guy. he always gets jealous when i see other guys. I did this to make him realize that he lost me (and believe me I really cared for him and he knows it, but he's afraid of a relationship)...

    My email is if you want to contact me

  6. I would like to share my situation.
    Im in college and i'm having this " Friends with benefits" relationship with this player. I know for a fact that he is messing with other girls. I do like him and could consider myself being with him, but i want to show him how " wanted" i am by other guys. He own roommate and friend has tried to hit on me multiple times. He sometimes acts like he doesnt care but i know he does. ( Because we live in the same dorm i see him at least 2 times a day) Like if i dont talk to him, he will ask me if im ok or anything, He sometimes asks to "hang out" which usually mean watch a movie and cuddle or have sex and cuddle. A small part of me likes him, but another part of me wants him to feel how he's been treating me, I want him to desire my attention as much as i want his, but i need to catch his eye, i just dont know how to go by doin so. ( i kinda believe in zodiac signs, he's a scorpio and im a Leo. I also do have other guys on the side that i talk to and i never text him first he has to text or call me.)

  7. A guy I've recently sleeping with went to a party I was invitedz he decided to invite the 'other' girl he was talking to as well. I actually happen to know the other girl and I played it off at the party and didn't show it got to me. I want to get back hard at him. I want him to feel like a baby running back because he's hard a rep of being a player. Should I tell the girl? Should i still see him? Should I confront or make jokes about him and her? Saying if I was doing what he's doing I'd do it with a bit more class, so i would get away with playing, like how y haven't noticed I'm playing u.

  8. To the Post on December 19... Honey dont go to his playing level. He wants that drama of two woman fighting for him. I just got out of a relationship almost like yours. Stop seeing him and see if he comes back to you. If so then tell him if he wants your goodies then he has to change his ways. Might not help you out but thats what i would do. You deserve someone that wants just you!

    1. Im old enough and wise enough to know that when one runs , another chases.
      In this world find happiness in yourself, all these games, chasing and following..why? Is there a shortage of men out there?
      Im not saying what you are doing is wrong, but seriously, if you keep doing the same things you are not going to get any change. if he was worth it he would not have you in this situation.. Stop asking if he is a player! Either your stupid or in denial. Its like looking at a apple and asking if its a pear. Clearly, it is what it is!

  9. why do guys have to be so clingy and play hard to get, arghhhhhhhh

  10. This will floor you all...I was 59 yo (now 61). It happened at work. He created sexual tension everyday in my office. He even said to me once: "What would you do if I arranged to have your hubbie bumped off?" Ok..totally Alpha...and sexy. He found me sitting with a friend of his, holding hands with this "other guy". Yes, this other guy found me attractive too...but was better at emotionally connecting with me (and he could read the real me by telling me what I would really like to do in life).
    After seeing me with this other guy..."Player" guy negged me by saying, "You're not so unique. Plenty of other women in the same boat as you." I said, "Can I help it if YOU think I am unique?"
    [I learned that from "Love Story" when Ryan O'Neil said that Ali's legs were not that great looking)...she said, "Can I help it if you think they are?" Good one, eh?
    A few days later he asked me where another women was who also worked there...he really rubbed it in. Made it sound like compared to her I was a total nothing. I managed to keep my cool. I actually felt bad for him...but did not play the game.
    He started totally flirting with this "other" woman, and yes, it was very painful for me...but I could not let on. I was brought up very sheltered...this being my first exposure to a true player. Eventually he complained about my work to my thing I know...I resign and go home in shame/pain. Did he win? In a way...yes. But I learned a lot, in spite of my advanced age. Hey...who says I can't be a cougar? I was hot enough to attract a player's attention.

  11. I completely agree I did the same thing a few weeks ago with a guy that I have known for 4 years. He liked me from the day we met (it was obvious). And he had met one of my best friends and had actually moved in with her. But she's one of those girls that likes anything with a pulse, so we all got together and went to the movies. While we were there he kissed her. I told her, and told her that he was a player and that he was playing her but she didn't listen to me. So he broke her heart and I had to take action. So I pretended to like him (although I have to admit I did a a little bit) sowe were in my friends basement watching a movie and he was laying next to me with a blanket. My friend was on the other side if me with "the players" cousin. About 5 minutes into the movie he grabbed my hand and I let him hold it. Then my friend went upstairs and he keeps scooting closer to me and puts his head right next to my sholder and closes his eyes then one thing turned into another and we started making out. ( for a player he's a really bad kisser) and then his brother woke up and we stopped. Then I went upstairs and he came up a while later and was all cool then he asked me out and I never actually said yes. Because I knew that ne was spending the whole summer in New York so I made sure I broke up with him before he left and now he wants me back. If I do take him back I'm just gna play him again for all of the girls that he has played. And I will make sure I use some of this stuff to my advantage.

  12. I've been seeing a player for over 7 mo's now, and believe me this one is good I didn't see him coming until a few months after dating, I finally slept with him. I was at his place the first time and he came up with some reason about his 70-yr old landlord not wanting women to stay overnight. No problem, the next time he came to my house after our date, still he would not stay overnight. He continued to stay wee hours of the night if we were intimate, but not the entire night saying that he had not shared a bed with anyone since his 2-yrs before his ex-wife and him divorced. Hell that was 4 yrs ago which totals 6 yrs of claiming to not have spent the night with any women...? REALLY? I find it hard to believe, but as smugg as he is it may be possible! I've attempted to break things off with him 3 different times now and bamm, I he finds a way to devert the convesation and starts being the perfect guy. I'm not fooled, just allowing him to think he is winning as I slowly detox from him :) knowing I'm now going to be the one disappearing and coming up with a reason to get together, I do need help in what to do next time I decide to sleep with him. I have left when he does which got his attention, then I caved and called him when I got back home--no more of that. Maybe me getting up first and getting dressed with jolt him into reality what do you all think?

    1. GypsyThunder,
      If he is still lingering around I say keep playing him. Just make sure that playing him is not interfering with your overall plans, ie: meeting a real man who will treat you like the jewel you are, or career or school etc... You know, keep your perspective in tact. In writing this I have seen that I need to practice what I preach. Good luck woman! BTW good job on not staying down when you caved in to calling him. That is encouraging. Thanks

    2. Sounds to me like you are justifying in your mind the fact that you are playing him, when in fact it's hard for you to let go. If you are still playing, but state you need to detox from him, you care for this person. This is why you will never outplay him, no matter what actions you take to one up him, if you have feelings for him, you have already the lost. hard truth is, the only way you win is to just disappear, and STAY gone...I mean STAY gone. If you want to win, get out of the game..but once you get out of the game, you can't go back, not even to see if your leaving had any affect on him--at that point, it shouldn't matter.

  13. It's this new boy at my school.. and alot of girls like him which ig made his head bigger ...I told him we should be friends nd he keep going bck and forth from me to this other girl then this other girl it's just to many girls liking him.. and when I ask him do he like any of them he wanna say no.. I'm like are u lying to me..and he says no...
    but I don't know for real.... hmm ima play him doe no more nice me....

  14. I hav known this man for 8 yrs we hav two kids together ,he does nt spend time wth me neither his kids ,he booty calls me after some months then dissappears again ,he is playing me a fool

    1. You are allowing it. Hold him to his obligations to his children, but YOU are off limits. ..and yes...he is playing you. it will stop when YOU says it stops, other than that, I wouldn't expect much from any man that don't care about his own children.

  15. I've been dating this guy, not exclusively, he comes by the karaoke place and we go out afterwards. Its been almost ten months, I have suspected he is a player, however, I'm extremely hard to get with him. I don't call him at all, sometimes I respond to his texts but then I don't. And never had sex with him and have told him I am not going to. We have gone to second base just recently.

    After being away from the bar a couple of weeks, I saw him, he gave me a huge kiss. I broke down and told him I missed him and told him he missed me to. We spent some time with each other and then went home and he texted me.

    To make a long story short, my instincts have been confirmed. I had googled him before and never saw a picture until yesterday. He was in a picture with an older woman, then I googled her name on FB. Sure enough her profile page has a picture of him and her.

    Do I confront him? What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I ignore him? what would be the end results.

  16. I would tell him that you found out the truth and that you will not tolerate deception. Wish him and his girl the best of luck, but you would prefer not to be contacted by him again. if you just ignore him, it will drive him crazy to the point where he wants an answer. By not telling him, you may think your silence is punishing him, but in reality you are prolonging it. Cut him loose in a dignified manner and listen to your gut. you have LOST nothing, if he is doing it to her with you, then he will do it to you with someone else.