The relationship has ended. You are on an emotional roller coaster. You go from crying over him to cussing him. You want to pick up the phone. You want him to know how you hurt and you want to scream at him when you feel mad. You don't understand how can he just turn off those emotions.
First I want to start this with a little about and why I feel I am qualified to write this post. I have been giving all of this wonderful and helpful advice and even made remarks about the wonderful man I had met and dated for quite some time now (going on 10 months). Well despite all of my advice, I noticed the distance growing between us out of nowhere. I saw the signs. I knew it was coming. I was about to get that song and dance about "Its not you, its me".
I went to my library of books and I found one that so far is helping me to keep peace with this situation. It prepared me for the breakup, actually inspired me to be the one to initiate the break up even though it is the last thing I wanted. After the break up conversation was over I knew I had done the right thing. I held on to my dignity thank God. I felt empowered because I did it on my terms. Did I cry a river? Yes I did and still am, but let me tell you, I see things clearly (most of the time). I am still a woman and so I have had my crazy moments and outrageous thoughts like showing up on his doorstep and acting like a stalker.
Now that you know where I am coming from I hope I can help you if you are going through this too. First off whether you want him back or not try to stop those crazy thoughts. You know the ones. Is he interested in someone else, what could I have done to avoid this and stop replaying scenarios over and over in your head. Try to accept the break up and know that you can't go back in time. You can however change how you react to it from this day forward.
So, how do you survive a breakup? The first thing I did was call all my friends and let them know it was their turn to help me out for a change. I called male and female friends and it really helps to talk to them. Stay busy, listen to upbeat music. My favorite today is a pop song "Better in Time". Remember it will get better. You will be ok eventually.
Do not and I repeat, Do not call or contact him under any circumstance. You will probably feel really bad about yourself if you don't get the outcome you want and it is doubtful that you will. Calling him just reinforces and reminds him of why he wanted out to start with. Sit tight as my girlfriend tells me constantly. Let him have that time, because with men, they don't figure it out so soon. They need time to cool and let the negative thoughts subside. This could take weeks. After the negative thoughts are not so much in their mind, this is when they may begin to remember the good thoughts. This is when they start to miss you. If he is going to contact you this is when it will happen.
If he contacts you again, don't be negative, don't ask questions, give up very little about what you have been doing. If he really still cares he is going to want to know more. Don't give it to him yet, you just went through hell and you are not going to make it easy. Smile while you are on the phone. I know what you are thinking, you have got to be kidding. You want me to smile when my heart has been ripped out. Yes I do. This will remind him that once upon a time, things were good and you were great to be with. Remember, you don't want to make him feel anything negative. If and when you rekindle your romance, you can talk about things after it has progressed. Can you get him back? Maybe, but you have to play it cool.
Also I have found that when you have pain in your life, this is when you are more open to receive joy. You may be crying on a friends shoulder and they say something that just gets to you, or it may be a song on the radio. For me the sun came out after days of raining and I was so grateful. That's a bit nostalgic, but hey when you are hurting who cares what makes you feel better. Grab on to every simple pleasure you can right now. If you get him back, wonderful, if you don't you will be ok.
Had this happened to me a year ago, I would not be near as level headed about this as I am today. I had no idea that all the dating books I read would be helping me with this, but basically what I have learned is "What I will and will not accept in a relationship". As long as I stay true to that, then I will be ok as well.
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