Friday, August 27, 2010

So Your Guy Flakes on You

What is up with these flaky guys really? They call, come on strong, say all the right things and them poof, he vanishes. What is going on? I hear it over and over again. Girl thinks she met a great guy, he seems into her, doing all the right things and then the distance starts setting in. The calls get fewer and sometimes stop all together.

Why He Disappeared!

Often he may like you, but for some reason he is just not sure, so he does this little thing that I call placing you on the back burner. He will call just enough to try to keep you stringing along, just toss you a small crumb of hope. His hope is that it will be enough that you will jump when he does make his move again. Sad thing is, he may make his move again, but already have his escape plan and do it all over again.

So what to do with the flaky guy? Can you turn him around. Maybe, maybe not. One thing though is for sure, if you allow him to put you on that back burner, that is where you will stay. Don't encourage the flaky guy by giving into his behavior. If a guy if flaky, the best thing usually is to not accept him as a qualified candidate for a relationship. If you want to keep him around on the back burner, fine, return the favor and be a flaky girl right back.

Why He Disappeared!

Usually the flaky guys are not qualified as a partner. They are keeping their options open always thinking the next one might be better. Don't accept a flaky guy period is your best bet. Somewhere out there is a guy who knows what he wants and is willing to put in the effort to get it. Leave the flakes alone and don't settle for one. You end up doing all the work, putting in all the effort.

Don't invest in someone who is not investing in you. Never make a flaky guy your priority because I can assure you a guy that flakes on you is just making you an option. Why He Disappeared!


  1. I was dating a guy for 3 weeks. he seemed very interested and i really started to like him. he would set up the next day always before the end of the date that we were on. Last friday i cooked for him and we talked about going to lunch the next day...he said he would text to confirm but i just go a weird gut feeling cause he didnt set up our next date. i didnt hear from him about lunch so i texted him so i could go about my day and he responded "no, not today i've got to help my roomate with something" I go horrible feeling and didnt respond..havent heard from him since and its been a week..which is weird because he didnt go for over a day without reaching wondering WHAT happened why did he flake...i dont know if i should text him and be casual...or tell him i guess its over...what should i do...i need closure...and i have a feeling i wont hear from him ...i dont think i did anything but we did meet in match and he is still maybe he met somebody else which is fine...i just need to know its overrr!

  2. Given that you met him on, chances are he was just looking for a quick fling. When he saw that wasn't you after 3 weeks, he probably moved on. Don't sweat it. It's all too common, albeit typical, even. ... and unoriginal! Ha ha.

    In my opinion, sometimes people, even women specifically, tend to place too much value on "closure". Perhaps it is because we tend to get emotionally attched way sooner than guys do. And when a relationship, no matter how short, ends, we want to know why. But don't rack your brain about it too hard. He obviously wasn't the right guy for you.

    Plus, think of it this way: that feeling that you're having of wondering and not knowing, thus having some mystery in your mind to solve aabout him, can be turned right back around on him by NOT contacting him to see if "it's over". Leave HIM wondering. Wondering if you, too found someone else, someone worthy of your time. Someone with basic manners, for the love of God! Leave him with that same feeling. And if/when he doe contact you ever again, (he might if he's a serial dater & tries to keep as many women around as possible) THEN you have all the cards. You can then choose to ignore him, respond and pretend to not remember him (ha ha) or should you choose to see him, put your dating with him "on a diet" sort to speak. Keep your time very, very limited, and always "have to go" to your next appointment. Thus, leaving him with the curiosity.

    Romance is a game and most guys love a good sport. Play to win!