Sunday, September 11, 2011

Man Mistake Eraser #1



There are many mistakes we can make with the men in our lives.  We can act insecure, be too clingy, call too often, smother them, tell them we love them first and the list goes on and on.  There are the more severe mistakes such as cheating or lying.  Hopefully the latter two are not on your list.  Even the worst of mistakes though can be fixed.  There is one main man mistake eraser that will assist in almost every mistake we make.  Silence.  You may ask how can silence erase a mistake that you have made, so let me explain.

When men are upset, they aren't like we are.  They don't want to talk about it.  Men don't want to talk about feelings.....yet.  They need to process.  If a man is left with your silence, it forces him to think.  If you insist on talking or discussing your feelings and what went wrong, he doesn't have time to think, he just has time to be annoyed.  It also shows you as even more clingy or desperate.  If you have had a parting of ways, the best tactic you can practice is to be silent.

Often when a man is suddenly not around you or talking to you, if he is used to doing so, he may begin to miss you.  This is when a man realizes his true feelings towards you.  He won't get in touch with his feelings if you are forcing him to do so.  He needs time.  If he truly cares for you, he will remember more about the good times than the bad as he calms down. 

Several years ago, I was in a relationship with a man and yes I loved him.  I am pretty sure he loved me too.  We rarely fought, and always got along and had a really good healthy connection.  One night we did fight, he was upset and just walked out on me.  I did not know then what I know now.  I got in my car and attempted to follow him and force him to tell me what he was thinking.  He wouldn't.  I returned home only to show back up at his house the next day.  He then broke up with me for good, telling me the ole, "It's not you, it's me" and "I am not ready for a relationship".  This was after a year and his declaration that he loved me.

Would it have had a different ending had I remained silent for a few days and allowed him to calm and then come to me?  Chances are good that could have happened.  By contacting him continuously, I pushed him further away.  My chasing and talking was not a man mistake eraser.

Another thing when we screw up with men in our lives when we don't give them space happens.  The more we open our mouths and try to apologize, justify and talk, the more damage we do.  It just usually ends up reinforcing the very thing that they were upset about in the first place.  Also men expect women to behave with drama.  Be the woman that is different.  There are many man mistake erasers, but the #1 man mistake eraser is your silence.

1 comment:

  1. But in my case, im not sure if there is an eraser. I only just became officially divorced three weeks ago. He was a sailor and i was due to fly back to my country. That very tuesday of the week of my departure a handsome marine approached me, chatted, as soon as he found out i was just divorced got excited and gave me his details.. Well he tried to meet up with me going as far as trying to see me the very day i was leaving to bid me bye. As it turned out i arrived late so i missed out on seeing him. The nextbtwo weeks he wrote to me daily fromoverseas, i hadnt trusted anyone in such a long time but i felt real trust for this man, he seemed so similar, and so warm.. He flirted constantly and i thought he really liked me. Well i made the mistake of tmi, overloading him with my story, i felt him grow cold and then from ome day to the next he stopped writing.. I tried the silence and not writing anything at all to him, but just this week i noted that he went and took down the cute wall posts of three silly pics i had put on his face nook page, as well as abirthday greeting i had written. I cried....feeling hurt and took him off mymfriends list thinking if he did that he must not want to know me anymore. I liked him so much but he did just cut me off without any explanation...i wish i knew what i did to put him off me and undo it.. :(.

    ReplyDelete