Wednesday, November 30, 2011

First Date Sex - Sex and Dating

Is it okay to have sex on a first date?  This was posted on facebook this morning and the answers just shocked me to be honest.  Almost every answer was NO.  While that is all fine and well, what was even more shocking was the reasons most of these ladies gave for the no answer.  Reasons like he will think you are easy, he won't respect you, he will never have a relationship with you, he will think you are a slut and so forth and so on.

My point?  All the answers these women gave about why not to have first date sex was about him and what he would think of them.  Nice way to start out huh?  Worrying about what he thinks and feels and not the first thought about themselves.  How common of a theme this is with women is undeniable.  Women worry.  First date and they are already focused on impressing him.  What happened to him impressing you?

I would think there are much more valid reasons to not have first date sex.  For starters, you probably don't know much about him.  He could be controlling, he could be an abuser, he could be emotionally unavailable, he could even be married.  Have you ever had first date sex and then a couple of weeks down the road you discover he just isn't for you for whatever reason and you end up breaking it off?  These are more logical reasons to not have first date sex in my mind.

If you have sex on the first date or not should be about you and not about him.  It's about what feels right for you.  I have known many a woman to have first date sex and go onto a relationship and even marriage.  I think it's a lot to do with your attitude.  A man can sense insecurity and neediness in a woman.  If you are having sex to please him, he will know it.  Many women when they have sex for the first time with a man focus on pleasing him.  They do all sorts of maneuvers trying to make it good for him hoping that will bring him back for more.

The funny thing is, what brings them back for more is your enjoyment.  Men like to make women happy.  It makes a man feel like a man.  There the woman just wasted all the energy and effort when it would have been more effective if she just focused on her own enjoyment as opposed to his.

The other part of this that baffles me is this.  So much emphasis is put on when to have sex or not.  When is too soon to have sex etc...  What about your heart.  Isn't that the part that you really should be focused on if you should or should not surrender it to a man.  Does he know how to take care of it?  Sex pales in comparison to the value of your heart, yet you don't see articles all over the web advising about this.

With sex and dating, it's wise if doing it sooner rather than later to do so with no expectations.  If you have sex early on, own it, take responsibility for it.  No crying, asking when will you see him again, or apologizing.  You are a grown woman.  You are in control of yourself.  Acting as if you didn't mean to have sex with him on a first date only tells him you aren't in control.  This above the actual act is why he may not respect you.

A woman in control of herself and her heart is the woman men adore.

.

Monday, November 28, 2011

How Do I Know If He Loves Me

I suppose I could start this post with, well if you have to ask "How do I know if he loves me", then he must not be in love.  I do realize though that many women are confused on this topic.  They get mixed signals or what they interpret as mixed signals and analyze it to death.  Does he love me?  Is he falling in love with me?  He told me this and he said that.  What does it mean?

First it's about actions actions actions.  Words really are easy to say.  Men are also taught to tell women what they want to hear.  Does he back up his words with actions is the key here.  When he says he will call, he does.  When he asks you out, he follows through and doesn't leave you guessing.  If you want to know if he loves you or not, watch his actions.

A man in love goes out of his way to make his woman happy.  He may give up a night with the guys or a sporting event to go shopping with you instead.  It was his idea.  If you have to badger him, it doesn't count.  He wants to spend time with you.  He makes the effort to make sure it happens.  He includes you in his life, family and friends. 

He is proud of you and hides nothing about you.  He may even be proud that you have your girly stuff at his house and doesn't chase after you to make sure you leave no evidence behind.  It's okay to keep a box of tampons under his bathroom sink.  He actually welcomes it. 

If you are taking a man's words and tearing them apart trying to figure out how he feels or how to know he loves me, you are wasting your time.  It's not in his kiss.  It's not in the great sex, it's in his actions.

Friday, November 25, 2011

When He is In and Out of Your Life

Ever been crazy about a man who is in and out of your life.  He spends the weekend with you or maybe a night and it's just incredible.  The chemistry is over the top and you feel such a connection.  Then he just disappears for days, weeks at a time, only to reappear again down the road to repeat it all over again.  It's baffling, so what is going on here?

This is a man that can't not only commit to being with you, he can't commit to being without you either.  In other words, he just can't commit, period.  Many women stay in this situation hoping he will come to his senses.  They convince themselves of all the reasons he could be doing this.  Work is stressful, he is busy, he has family issues.  The reasons could be many.  The truth is though, he just isn't ready to commit or willing to commit. 

By allowing this man to come in and out of your life leaving your heart all over the place, you are accepting his crumbs on his terms.  What are your terms?  Is this enough for you.  Many women get in too deep and next thing you know years go by and it's still the same ole thing.  They can't fall for another man because their heart is too wrapped up in this man.

A man that comes in and out of your life or a man that disappears on you is not seeing you as a priority in his life, there is no other reason.  If he isn't committing because of being busy, working, family issues, whatever, it's because he doesn't want to.  Men do exactly what they want to do.  He is more than likely just keeping his other options open.

This is a hard situation to be in.  Why he disappeared is really not that much of a mystery as most women make it out to be.  The mystery may lie in why do you allow him to do this?  Why he disappeared.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Why He Disappeared After Sex

It's pretty common for guys to disappear after sex.  I hear it a lot.  There are a number of reasons for this, but mainly it boils down to really not having much to do with the fact that he just had sex with you.  Of course there are guys out there that are only looking to score, but it's up to you to learn to distinguish the difference.

Guys can tell why you have sex with them.  If you are doing it just to please him, he senses it.  This spells desperation to him.  A guy would rather you have sex because you wanted to.  Otherwise he feels as if it's some ploy to trap him.  Often women start putting off the vibe that they think they are now in a relationship.  Sex does not equal a relationship. 

If the truth be told, he was probably going to disappear if you slept with him or not.  Many are under the belief that guys see them as easy when they sleep with them to soon.  There may be some truth to this, but if the guy is into you to start with, it's not going to matter.  Where women screw up with this is that once they sleep with a guy, they are ready to now invest their hearts.  This is where the easy comes into play in reality.  A man likes to work for your heart.  If you give it away quickly, he doesn't see it's value.  He thinks he isn't anything special.

If a guy disappears after you have had sex, it's one of two things.

1.  He wasn't that into you in the first place.  It's really no one to blame here.  We can't help who we are or aren't into.  I imagine you too have felt like disappearing on a guy after you had sex.  Maybe you did it in a moment of weakness and you really didn't like the guy.  Maybe you were drunk, who knows, but it happens.    We all do it or have done it.  That is one reason why he disappeared.

2.  The second reason is how you behave afterwards.  If you start acting like a girlfriend before he has made that move, it's a turn off.  If you got all emotional, well you made him feel guilty.  Guilt and sex don't go together.  If you expect it to mean something special to him, he will sense it.  Most men don't see sex as something special, at least not in the early dating stage. 

Then of course there is the chance that you aren't that great in bed.  If you were more focused on pleasing him and not focused on allowing him to please you, this is not good.  Men feel good when they make you feel good.  Picture Tarzan beating his chest and you will get the idea.  

Men bond before sex, women bond after sex.  It's sort of screwed up, but it is what it is.  For more truths on why he disappeared, visit here.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Key to If He Likes You or Not

I have heard women fret about getting the attention of men.  I have had many even ask me how do I get his attention.  There really is no secret move we can make, or something profound we can say to achieve this. Many worry what if he doesn't like me.  Have you once considered flipping the tables.  Why not for a change wonder, hmmm, will I even like this guy?  I wonder if this guy has what it takes to get MY attention.

I know and you probably know the key to it all is self love.  You also probably want to cringe if one more person tells you this is the key.  I mean what is the formula to this self love?  Sure the gurus can tell you that is the key, but unless they tell you how to get this so called self love, it does you little good.  Finding self love is often a long journey.  To many it's elusive and seems out of their grasp.

So what is the answer?  You can start by faking it until you make it.  Some like this term, others don't.  I do like it and it has served me well.  For example, we have heard how powerful a smile is or how something as simple as using a person's first name has an impact.  We know this, but few practice it.  Look around you.  Next time you go to a convenience store or grocery store notice how many clerks are actually smiling.  Look at the people in line.  Chances are good they are frustrated more than smiling.  How many of these people read a nametag on the clerk and actually call them by it.  These two things alone can disarm a person.

So what if you just practiced these two little things.  Smile if you didn't feel like it at EVER BODY.  When talking with a person, say their name.  Both may not always seem natural.  Do it anyway and notice the person's response.  It will be positive more times than not.  This acts as reinforcement to you of the positive kind.  You get rewarded.  Do anything often enough and it becomes a habit.  Hence you faked it until you made it.

There are a lot of great books that have these dating rules in them.  That is the sole purpose of these books.  They give you a blue print to follow until you get there.  The reactions of men have been studied for you and they teach you certain behaviors that just naturally stimulate a man to want to get to know you better.  After you try the principles in these books and get positive results, it just reinforces it to you and you continue as it becomes second nature.  

A few of these books are below.   I call them Dating Bibles.

Why He Disappeared, Evan Marc Katz - 5 Stars
The Women Men Adore, Bob Grant -5 stars
Calling Men, Mimi Tanner - 5 stars



If you are wondering if a man likes you or not, think, do I like myself?  Why on earth would he not like me?   It's more likely I won't like him or rather I won't see him as someone I want to further invest into, not the other way around.