First Date Sex - Sex and Dating

Is it okay to have sex on a first date?  This was posted on facebook this morning and the answers just shocked me to be honest.  Almost every answer was NO.  While that is all fine and well, what was even more shocking was the reasons most of these ladies gave for the no answer.  Reasons like he will think you are easy, he won't respect you, he will never have a relationship with you, he will think you are a slut and so forth and so on.

My point?  All the answers these women gave about why not to have first date sex was about him and what he would think of them.  Nice way to start out huh?  Worrying about what he thinks and feels and not the first thought about themselves.  How common of a theme this is with women is undeniable.  Women worry.  First date and they are already focused on impressing him.  What happened to him impressing you?

I would think there are much more valid reasons to not have first date sex.  For starters, you probably don't know much about him.  He could be controlling, he could be an abuser, he could be emotionally unavailable, he could even be married.  Have you ever had first date sex and then a couple of weeks down the road you discover he just isn't for you for whatever reason and you end up breaking it off?  These are more logical reasons to not have first date sex in my mind.

If you have sex on the first date or not should be about you and not about him.  It's about what feels right for you.  I have known many a woman to have first date sex and go onto a relationship and even marriage.  I think it's a lot to do with your attitude.  A man can sense insecurity and neediness in a woman.  If you are having sex to please him, he will know it.  Many women when they have sex for the first time with a man focus on pleasing him.  They do all sorts of maneuvers trying to make it good for him hoping that will bring him back for more.

The funny thing is, what brings them back for more is your enjoyment.  Men like to make women happy.  It makes a man feel like a man.  There the woman just wasted all the energy and effort when it would have been more effective if she just focused on her own enjoyment as opposed to his.

The other part of this that baffles me is this.  So much emphasis is put on when to have sex or not.  When is too soon to have sex etc...  What about your heart.  Isn't that the part that you really should be focused on if you should or should not surrender it to a man.  Does he know how to take care of it?  Sex pales in comparison to the value of your heart, yet you don't see articles all over the web advising about this.

With sex and dating, it's wise if doing it sooner rather than later to do so with no expectations.  If you have sex early on, own it, take responsibility for it.  No crying, asking when will you see him again, or apologizing.  You are a grown woman.  You are in control of yourself.  Acting as if you didn't mean to have sex with him on a first date only tells him you aren't in control.  This above the actual act is why he may not respect you.

A woman in control of herself and her heart is the woman men adore.

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How Do I Know If He Loves Me

I suppose I could start this post with, well if you have to ask "How do I know if he loves me", then he must not be in love.  I do realize though that many women are confused on this topic.  They get mixed signals or what they interpret as mixed signals and analyze it to death.  Does he love me?  Is he falling in love with me?  He told me this and he said that.  What does it mean?

First it's about actions actions actions.  Words really are easy to say.  Men are also taught to tell women what they want to hear.  Does he back up his words with actions is the key here.  When he says he will call, he does.  When he asks you out, he follows through and doesn't leave you guessing.  If you want to know if he loves you or not, watch his actions.

A man in love goes out of his way to make his woman happy.  He may give up a night with the guys or a sporting event to go shopping with you instead.  It was his idea.  If you have to badger him, it doesn't count.  He wants to spend time with you.  He makes the effort to make sure it happens.  He includes you in his life, family and friends. 

He is proud of you and hides nothing about you.  He may even be proud that you have your girly stuff at his house and doesn't chase after you to make sure you leave no evidence behind.  It's okay to keep a box of tampons under his bathroom sink.  He actually welcomes it. 

If you are taking a man's words and tearing them apart trying to figure out how he feels or how to know he loves me, you are wasting your time.  It's not in his kiss.  It's not in the great sex, it's in his actions.

When He is In and Out of Your Life

Ever been crazy about a man who is in and out of your life.  He spends the weekend with you or maybe a night and it's just incredible.  The chemistry is over the top and you feel such a connection.  Then he just disappears for days, weeks at a time, only to reappear again down the road to repeat it all over again.  It's baffling, so what is going on here?

This is a man that can't not only commit to being with you, he can't commit to being without you either.  In other words, he just can't commit, period.  Many women stay in this situation hoping he will come to his senses.  They convince themselves of all the reasons he could be doing this.  Work is stressful, he is busy, he has family issues.  The reasons could be many.  The truth is though, he just isn't ready to commit or willing to commit. 

By allowing this man to come in and out of your life leaving your heart all over the place, you are accepting his crumbs on his terms.  What are your terms?  Is this enough for you.  Many women get in too deep and next thing you know years go by and it's still the same ole thing.  They can't fall for another man because their heart is too wrapped up in this man.

A man that comes in and out of your life or a man that disappears on you is not seeing you as a priority in his life, there is no other reason.  If he isn't committing because of being busy, working, family issues, whatever, it's because he doesn't want to.  Men do exactly what they want to do.  He is more than likely just keeping his other options open.

This is a hard situation to be in.  Why he disappeared is really not that much of a mystery as most women make it out to be.  The mystery may lie in why do you allow him to do this?  Why he disappeared.

Why He Disappeared After Sex

It's pretty common for guys to disappear after sex.  I hear it a lot.  There are a number of reasons for this, but mainly it boils down to really not having much to do with the fact that he just had sex with you.  Of course there are guys out there that are only looking to score, but it's up to you to learn to distinguish the difference.

Guys can tell why you have sex with them.  If you are doing it just to please him, he senses it.  This spells desperation to him.  A guy would rather you have sex because you wanted to.  Otherwise he feels as if it's some ploy to trap him.  Often women start putting off the vibe that they think they are now in a relationship.  Sex does not equal a relationship. 

If the truth be told, he was probably going to disappear if you slept with him or not.  Many are under the belief that guys see them as easy when they sleep with them to soon.  There may be some truth to this, but if the guy is into you to start with, it's not going to matter.  Where women screw up with this is that once they sleep with a guy, they are ready to now invest their hearts.  This is where the easy comes into play in reality.  A man likes to work for your heart.  If you give it away quickly, he doesn't see it's value.  He thinks he isn't anything special.

If a guy disappears after you have had sex, it's one of two things.

1.  He wasn't that into you in the first place.  It's really no one to blame here.  We can't help who we are or aren't into.  I imagine you too have felt like disappearing on a guy after you had sex.  Maybe you did it in a moment of weakness and you really didn't like the guy.  Maybe you were drunk, who knows, but it happens.    We all do it or have done it.  That is one reason why he disappeared.

2.  The second reason is how you behave afterwards.  If you start acting like a girlfriend before he has made that move, it's a turn off.  If you got all emotional, well you made him feel guilty.  Guilt and sex don't go together.  If you expect it to mean something special to him, he will sense it.  Most men don't see sex as something special, at least not in the early dating stage. 

Then of course there is the chance that you aren't that great in bed.  If you were more focused on pleasing him and not focused on allowing him to please you, this is not good.  Men feel good when they make you feel good.  Picture Tarzan beating his chest and you will get the idea.  

Men bond before sex, women bond after sex.  It's sort of screwed up, but it is what it is.  For more truths on why he disappeared, visit here.

The Key to If He Likes You or Not

I have heard women fret about getting the attention of men.  I have had many even ask me how do I get his attention.  There really is no secret move we can make, or something profound we can say to achieve this. Many worry what if he doesn't like me.  Have you once considered flipping the tables.  Why not for a change wonder, hmmm, will I even like this guy?  I wonder if this guy has what it takes to get MY attention.

I know and you probably know the key to it all is self love.  You also probably want to cringe if one more person tells you this is the key.  I mean what is the formula to this self love?  Sure the gurus can tell you that is the key, but unless they tell you how to get this so called self love, it does you little good.  Finding self love is often a long journey.  To many it's elusive and seems out of their grasp.

So what is the answer?  You can start by faking it until you make it.  Some like this term, others don't.  I do like it and it has served me well.  For example, we have heard how powerful a smile is or how something as simple as using a person's first name has an impact.  We know this, but few practice it.  Look around you.  Next time you go to a convenience store or grocery store notice how many clerks are actually smiling.  Look at the people in line.  Chances are good they are frustrated more than smiling.  How many of these people read a nametag on the clerk and actually call them by it.  These two things alone can disarm a person.

So what if you just practiced these two little things.  Smile if you didn't feel like it at EVER BODY.  When talking with a person, say their name.  Both may not always seem natural.  Do it anyway and notice the person's response.  It will be positive more times than not.  This acts as reinforcement to you of the positive kind.  You get rewarded.  Do anything often enough and it becomes a habit.  Hence you faked it until you made it.

There are a lot of great books that have these dating rules in them.  That is the sole purpose of these books.  They give you a blue print to follow until you get there.  The reactions of men have been studied for you and they teach you certain behaviors that just naturally stimulate a man to want to get to know you better.  After you try the principles in these books and get positive results, it just reinforces it to you and you continue as it becomes second nature.  

A few of these books are below.   I call them Dating Bibles.

Why He Disappeared, Evan Marc Katz - 5 Stars
The Women Men Adore, Bob Grant -5 stars
Calling Men, Mimi Tanner - 5 stars



If you are wondering if a man likes you or not, think, do I like myself?  Why on earth would he not like me?   It's more likely I won't like him or rather I won't see him as someone I want to further invest into, not the other way around. 

Why He Disappeared After The First Date

Have you ever been on a first date and he didn't call back? You thought the date went great. You felt a connection and he may have even said those famous words, I will call you. Then radio silence. Day one you think well he may not want to appear desperate. Day two you think maybe he is doing the old three day waiting rule. The days go by and still nothing.

You are wondering why he disappeared. You start to analyze. Maybe I did something wrong. You go over the date in your head. Then you start analyzing him. You think things like, he did say he had a few busy days coming up at work. You justify it from his point, which translates to making excuses for why he disappeared and why he didn't call you back.


Here is the reality though. When a guy doesn't call you back and drops off the face of the earth after the first date, there is a good chance he isn't on the same page as you. Every guy is not going to fall for you, just like you aren't going to fall for every guy. After a first date, a guy really isn't invested into you, nor should you be invested into him. It's nothing personal and you shouldn't take it personal.

Dating is a process. Guys will disappear, it just is. I am sure you can think of a few guys you would have liked to disappear on as well. Have you ever avoided a man's phone calls because you just weren't that into him? It may very well have been nothing really about him personally. You just didn't feel a spark or connection. If you were into him, chances are good your heart raced when he called and you jumped to answer that phone.

Men are no different. If they like you, they will want to call you. They will want to secure that second date. They won't leave you wondering why he disappeared. Yes it's disappointing when he doesn't call you again, but it's part of life. Many women still after a guy disappears, keep trying to nudge him. They text, they call, they initiate. If you have done this, you are chasing him. How do you like it when a guy that you have ruled out keeps calling and texting you? It's annoying. That being said, the best way to handle it when men disappear is to let him. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a one-sided relationship that may result in heart break.
If this has happened to you however, more than once, you may want to dig deeper and see if in fact there is some signal you may be sending off that makes men disappear.

I Don't Need a Man

I don't need a man.  This is becoming a common term today among women.  We are more independent, our lives more balanced and yes it may be true we don't need a man, to survive that is.  We also hear the longer version of this statement which is "I don't need a man to complete me".  This of course is also true, to a degree.  I think if we are truthful with ourselves, the women that say this statement generally are the one's that don't have a man in their lives.  I also think it's safe to say that women with this attitude have been hurt in the past more cases than not.  This is a common phrase among women who have just suffered a painful break up.

I agree there are some men we just don't need.  The abusive ones.  The controlling ones, the ones who have not quite grown up to name a few..  No we don't need those men.  Those types of men screw with our identity and wound our self esteem.  Those are often the men that lead us into the attitude of "I don't need a man".  I like the term I am happy with or without a man much better than "I don't need a man".  Yes we can be happy and yes when we are happy, we make better partners.  No we can't depend on a man to make us happy and yes happy comes from inside us first and foremost.  But not needing a man.  I am not in total agreement with this.

A good man, a fellow happy man, one that brings me up, accepts, loves, and adds to my life, yes I need him.  Yes he does add a completeness to my life.  This is not to be confused with he actually completes me.  He adds to the completion.

This not needing a man attitude may be the one thing standing between you and finding  a deeper love with a man.  On a subconscious level, you are reinforcing your single hood.  That law of attraction thing.  Your thoughts do create your world.  I have been told the Universe doesn't really hear the negative words such as the word don't.  So in essence you could be screaming out to the universe, I do need a man.

On a more concsious level though, you are sending a signal with this attitude to the men you encounter on a day to day basis.  If you are one of these women that wears this attitude proudly on her sleeve, you are repelling men.  No human wants to hear "I don't need you".  It feels cold.  It doesn't make men feel good.  Men are attracted to us by how we make them feel.  They want a woman who makes them feel good.  Men can feel this attitude from miles away.  The woman who makes him feel warm and welcome is the woman who won't be alone for long.  The woman with the attitude that "I love men", fairs far better than the one who goes through life with the not needing a man attitude.

If you are one of these women, men will see you as a ball buster.  A ball buster is not in tune with her feminine elegance and often remains alone.  It's the same as the men who have similiar attitudes.  How do they make you feel?  Do you want to spend time with these men who don't value women?  I seriously doubt it.

It's often our ego saying we don't need a man.  It's easier to say this and justify it to ourselves and others.  Women who claim to need a man are often looked upon as weak.  We are social beings, it's a fact.  Why is it so hard to admit that we need other human beings and yes there are two genders of this species.  Can we not go back and embrace our feminine roots and proudly claim that yes we do need a man?

Are you about to give up on love?  My friend Amy Waterman can help you.  Real Women, Real Love.
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What Does It Mean When He Needs Space

When you boyfriend says he wants space, it would be in your best interest to listen to him.  It means he is feeling crowded by you.  It means he wants time to do what he wants to do without guilt or worry.  It also usually means fear is about to set in.  Fear of losing his freedom.  Fear that you aren't the one for him.  Chances are really good that you did something to cause this fear to come up.

When he says he need space, more times than not the woman has become clingy.  She has started expecting things from him like that he check in.  Maybe she wants to know who he is with and what he is doing when he isn't with her.  This makes the man feel you are not independent of him and it makes him feel responsible for your happiness.  If he says he wants space, he may be craving the carefree days when he didn't have to worry so much about making you happy.

Many will say but he is my boyfriend and he is supposed to want to make me happy.  Yes this is true.  On the other hand, you are solely responsible for your own happiness.  Men love a happy woman.  If he feels he can't make you happy, he will leave, they always do.  More men leave relationships because they feel like it's too much like work when they have to answer for everything they do, or call in or be checked up on.  When relationships start feeling like punching a clock, the man gets scared and cries for his space.

Often women make the fatal mistake when their boyfriend wants his space of pushing him even further.  They start asking questions like, Why?  Am I not enough for you? How long?  Will you come back?  This is just smothering him even more and reinforcing why he needs space in the first place.

What it means in a nutshell when he needs space is that if you don't give it to him, a break up is inevitable.  It's going to happen in time.  Give him his space happily and guilt free and keep living your life in the meantime.  It's often difficult to trust that he will come back, but that is your only hope really.  If you have made the mistake of smothering him, this is the only way to correct it.  Don't wait until it's too late and he is too scared to give you a second chance.

What Is He Thinking?

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Getting Him to Open Up

Men Made Easy
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Signs He Is Not Ready For a Relationship

There are many men out there who are faithful to one woman yet never commit to her. They may date only her, but never step it up to the next level. This is all fine and well for a while, but if the woman wants more, such as marriage, she may be barking up the wrong tree. The sad thing is often the woman gets in too deep. She is treated well and doesn't see it coming. When it hits her, she is already in love.

There are flags and signs that this man isn't ready for a relationship or won't commit to a relationship. One sign is how deeply involved in his life are you? If you have been dating a while and he has slotted time for you every week, although you are in his life it may not be that deeply. A man can take you out every Saturday night, call you every single day, share his day with you verbally and still not be ready for a relationship. These are surface things that are easy to do.

If he on the other hand takes you to Sunday dinner at his moms, or involves you with his family, and you do day to day activities together such as grocery shop, you are more involved. The man not ready for a relationship will give you just enough to keep you around.

Another sign a man is not ready for a relationship is if something hits the fan, he isn't really there for you. Say your mom is in the hospital. A man not ready for a relationship is not going to insist on visiting her. A man who is ready will. It may even be his idea. He cares very much about your well being. He isn't well if you aren't well. A man not ready will usually put himself first when it comes right down to it.

If he is not ready for a relationship, you may hear excuses why he can't do certain things that you want to do. He may not want to go to a party your friend is having. You may hear him making excuses why he can't just come over and watch tv with you or why he can't stay the night. He has to get up early. A man in love will lose sleep to be with you. Eventually you stop expecting him to do these things. Sometimes the man will even make you feel something is wrong with you for wanting such things. It's not, nothing is wrong with you. You are ready for a relationship and he is not.

Many women have boyfriends, but that does not translate to a a real commitment in all cases. If you feel resistance from your boyfriend in any area, he may not be seeing you as his dream girl and he may not be as committed to your relationship as you think or hope.

Inspire Him To Commit 

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6622151

Texting Guys-One Big Tip to Up Your Text Appeal

The use of that laugh out loud, also known as lol at the end of your text could be hurting you.  Do you know people that can't send a text message without putting this at the end of it?  I know I do.  It drives me crazy.  I get a visual of the person sending it laughing at everything, even things that aren't funny.  Not a pretty picture.  Men are visual creatures.  Need I say more.

I know it sounds silly but really think about it.  When texting a guy do you need to tell him you find something funny.  Try substituting that lol with a "Now that's funny".  More personal for sure.  You are trying to build attraction here and sure a good sense of humor is attractive, but come on.  To end almost every text with that is just lame.  For more text appeal, replace that lol at the end of a sentence with something that speaks more directly to him.  Every one sends a lol, but not everyone takes the time to type out something creative to take it's place.

It also shows that you aren't confident in yourself when you use it all the time.  If you have to tell a guy you are laughing, well it's sort of defeating the purpose. You don't trust yourself enough to trust him to know you are actually laughing in some cases.  It's more powerful  when texting guys to let him wonder a bit if you found something funny or not.  It makes him try harder.  It's more of a challenge.  To send a lol is like saying, you should like me, I laugh at your jokes.  Pick me!  I am in agreement with you sort of thing.
The lol does have it's purpose. It's a great way to end a texting session.  Ever get a lol and nothing more when texting a guy?  Not much you can reply to that is it?  Ending a texting conversation first is a good way to have more text appeal.  Leave him while the conversation is good and he will be wanting more.  The lol is perfect for this.

On the other hand if he texts you a lol, stop texting him period.  It's a cut off.  To keep texting seems just desperate and will deminish your text appeal fast. A lol sent and nothing else is like a period, the end.  It takes little effort and is often saved as a pre-written message.  The lmao is no different by the way.  Use it sparingly to keep your text appeal in tact. The use of lol is just one of the many tips to increase your textual attraction. 

TEXT APPEAL!

How To Trust Your Boyfriend

One of the first issues in how to trust your boyfriend is does he deserve to be trusted. In other words is you lack of trust justified? Is it your insecurity or has he shown you that he can't be trusted? This is step one in trusting your boyfriend. If he has cheated on you or lied to you in the past, I am not going to suggest you learn to trust him. You may want to consider dumping him if that is the case. If you are striving to trust a man that can't be trusted, I can't help you.

If on the other hand he treats you with respect, and is a good boyfriend and puts you first, then yes, you must learn to trust him or you will lose him. If he has given you no reason not to trust him and you still check up on him, then you very well may be carrying your past baggage forward into this current relationship. This is not fair to him and can be emotionally exhausting for him. Men thrive on making their woman happy and if she is constantly seeking reassurance from him, he senses her unhappiness. Careful here, this man will get tired of justifying his actions and he will seek out a woman that does trust him and that is easier to make happy.

Baby steps is how to trust your boyfriend. Here is an example of a baby step. Let's say you like to hear from him by a certain time everyday. Do you find yourself reaching out to him when you haven't heard from him yet? Do you text, call or email? This is you trying to control the outcome. Practice not reaching to him. Trust that yes he will call you. Wait. No prodding. Then when he calls it is a baby step of positive reinforcement that yes you can trust him to do what he says he will do. It reinforces this to you that you can trust him, and it also reinforces in his mind that you trust him. Men need trust as do women to thrive in a relationship. Learning how to trust your boyfriend is essential to a happy healthy relationship.

I know a lot of women that get antsy when their boyfriends have not made weekend plans with them. They start worrying about this on Monday and it just gets worse as the week progresses. They stress, analyze and worry. Wednesday or Thursday come and they can't stand it. They again reach out and ask him what are the plans for the weekend or make suggestions. They don't trust him to follow through. If the man isn't including you of his own free will on weekends, he isn't really a good boyfriend in the first place.

So when learning how to trust you boyfriend, understand that there is more to trust than if he is going to cheat on you are not. It's trusting that he can make the right decision, that he does have your best interest at heart. Practice trusting him on the little things and the big things will fall in place. A man that has a woman's trust will rarely want to let her down. It inspires him when he feels trusted.

If you can't learn how to trust your boyfriend, he will eventually find a woman who understands him and you may be left behind. I can't tell you enough how important trusting your boyfriend is. It's one of the 5 main things he needs from you.

Women Men Adore.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6594242